tranquility

tranquility
2017-12-09 08:18:29 (UTC)

tired.

boys are a waste of time. they hop back into your life like they didn't break your heart four months ago. they're petty and post another girl on their snapchat. they don't care about you really. they play at love to use you for your body. there isn't a single part of me that your mouth hasn't touched and i feel disgusting. i want to vomit every time i think about the things we did together. i want wash myself over and over and over again so maybe i could wash your toxic spit off of me.
they play your heart. they'll call you sweet things and tell you how much they care. they'll make you believe that they love you. and then they switch it off. you're nothing but a body. they chew you up and spit you out like gum.
i wish i could just get rid of you. you've hurt me so bad. so so so bad. i didn't realize that you were using me. i thought you cared. i thought you loved me. i thought that even after we broke up and you kept talking to me, maybe we had a chance at being friends. but no. it's been four months. all you've done is use me for my body. you've lured me in over and over and over again. how can you say that i have empty apologies, when you said "i'm sorry for these past four months" right after defrauding me? after you touched me? after you kissed me? i never knew an apology could sound so empty, especially coming from you. you're not a good person. you've ruined me. and the worst part is, i let it happen. i let you ruin me. i let you touch me in places i never should have. and i did those things back to you. but you've never seen anything wrong with that. it's just payment right? me doing favors to earn your love for just a few hours while we're alone in your bedroom.
i'm tired of being treated like i'm in prostitution. i'm tired of being friends with benefits. i'm tired of loving you and being the one who has to worry about you. i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired. everything about you makes me sick now. i can't even look at you without wanting to vomit. you asked me to be friendly towards you. you said you wanted a good relationship with me. well i've put in my effort, now it's your turn. step it up because life isn't about just giving, it's also about receiving. i'm tired of your passive aggressiveness. you complain that no one cares and that i should care the least but you know that's not true.
i care about you too much. but i am letting go. you are not good for me and if i'm going to move on, then it is time for me to say goodbye. i'm going to fall off of your earth.

signed,
the girl who held on too long




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