Todayy

A southern life
2017-11-19 00:19:08 (UTC)

Loser

I feel depressed. I was at my cousins birthday party today and I left early because there wasn't anything for me to do. then all of a sudden I felt lonely ( i am lonely). I'm back home now and I know I have the option to not make myself feel lonely but I can't help it. I miss hanging out with someone. see me and my current ex would hang out every weekend whether it was at my house or his or the park we would just always hang out every weekend. I grew out all my friends, so no I don't have friends either. I grew up being too old to hang out with the kids in my family and too young to hang out with adults so I have always felt lonely and wanted and wished to have someone around my age to hang out with at family gatherings and also non-family gatherings. I would bring my ex to the family gatherings and I would stay longer at parties but now I leave early. its like I'm back to my old habits. and my body right now misses hanging out on the weekend with someone. I have no one, again. I might message my old ex not my current ex but the other one. I just feel really lonely and I miss driving late at night. my body and mind crave for conversation and to just hang out with someone. times like these make me want to run away and/or get drunk or get high or just cry. I don't know what to do. I might just look up videos on how not to feel lonely. I am a loser. like its okay, that's how I self-identify. I really want to run away. I am no good here.

But I am just going to clean my room as I watch the try guys.

I know I shouldn't care but my ex's birthday is at the end of this month, he's probably going to throw a party or hang out with all his friends, while I sit at home and do nothing....well I got class that day but other than that it will be a lonely day and weekend. I haven't had sex since we broke up not because I choose to but because I don't know anyone. He knows a lot of people, he's probably already had sex with someone. I miss sex.... What I want what I truly want is a guy who I can hang out with, who will give me attention when I want it, and have sex with occasionally (and I don't want that guy to have sex with anyone else because I don't want to catch anything) but other than that he can talk to whoever I just want time and sex. Was is that called? Friends with benefits? Idk but that's what I want, I don't want love or any serious relationship just time, attention, and sex.




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