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Story of a Girl
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2017-11-18 00:06:45 (UTC)

Feel Alive: A Side Story

Sometimes I just need some motivation, y'know?


As I was looking through my music files, I realized I had left out something important from April's updates: Prom 2017. I've been meaning to talk about my bad memory but not until I am through with all the school updates. But yeah, prom! I went to prom and it was interesting to say the least. Prom took place April 1st down at The Strip. I'll be real, I have never gone to a school dance when I wasn't asked to go. Freshman year, I did go to both homecoming and prom and my only reason for doing so was because it was Eli's senior year and he had asked me to go as his date for both dances. Sophomore year, I had no reason to go to homecoming, so I didn't. I did go to prom with Stephen though, since he asked nicely. Junior year, I didn't go to either of the two dance events. Again, I had no reason to. Senior year, prom was the only event that I attended and it was hardly worth going to, in my opinion. I didn't have the time of my life at the dance, though I'm glad that I was present for some of the events that took place. I'll get into it later.


Since the beginning of the year, my friends had been making plans for senior prom night and I honestly just couldn't care less about prom. Once Josefina was placed in my forensic science class though, she kept asking if I would go. Eventually prom tickets were being sold, the cheapest being $45 during the first week of sale. Second week was $55 with the third week being $65 and $75 at the door... Compared to junior year prices, senior year was MUCH cheaper ($55, $65, $75, and $95 at the door). At one point during the second week of the tickets being sold, I was on the fence about going. Josefina had asked me to ask my mom to go, so one day after school, I brought it up to her. It sounded like my mom didn't care at all about me going to prom, so I told this to Josefina and not long after I had sent her the text, she texted back saying her mom was going to be paying for my ticket. Like, whaaaaat. She said her mother felt is wasn't fair for me to miss my senior year prom and not make memories, so she would be paying for my ticket without wanting me to pay it back. "Consider it a gift" she said. This was also after Josefina had dropped the class, by the way. The next day, I found Josefina standing outside my classroom with the money in her hands and ugh, I felt terrible. I had half the money to buy a ticket and I wasn't interested in going, but I just couldn't bring myself to tell Josefina I didn't want to go when she had already given me the money. That same day after school, I went to the school banker and paid for the ticket... Shoutout to Josefina's mom for being so incredibly nice, wtf. It was $55 that she had given me without even knowing me, my mom wouldn't have done the same if the roles were reversed. To this day, I still feel bad about it because I haven't spoken to Josefina ever since the last assembly of the year... I'm a shit person, I know.


Obviously, I thanked Josefina and her mom for their kindness. Since I was going, I told Eli about the dance and he did not hesitate to be my date to prom. I casually worked it into the conversation; it went something like this:


Me: hey so ik i said i wouldnt go prom but i have a prom ticket in my hand all of a sudden and i would feel 1000% less uncomfortable if u went with me.
Me: be my date pleasee. save me
Me: i don't have money to buy u a ticket tho. but i want you to go w me please please please
Him: Ooh definitely. FINNA BE LIIIT


I felt that it was only fair that I ask him to go with me, just as I had gone with him three years ago. He had one of our mutual friends give me the money so I could buy him a ticket which I purchased at $65, and on prom night Eli would pay him back. So, the day of prom. April 1st. Zamia had convinced her mom three days before that Saturday to help pay for her prom ticket, and I was glad to be going with her and the rest of my friends. Aside from having the best prom location our school has ever had, our school did a little upgrading with the extra money from their grant and hired four professional makeup artists and hair stylists to give a few girls free makeovers. It was first come, first serve. Zamia had signed up for both hair and makeup but I signed up for makeup only; I figured this would be the only event I should get dolled up for. We had our appointment at the school for 12:30PM so early that morning, my mom and I picked up Zamia from her mother's apartment complex and we drove the school where we would be getting "pampered". Soooo, the friday before prom, Zamia went to one of the portables outside where there was a small closet for dress donations. I helped her pick out this super pretty dress that was a yellow/orange/red ombre dress that went perfectly with Zamia's red hair. "The girl on fire" was what I called her as she spun in the dress. The dress was too perfect, though. The strap needed to be fixed. I offered to ask my mom to give it a quick DIY fix but Zamia said she could fix it at home after our makeovers. Well, on the way to school after we picked her up, Zamia told me that one of her brothers had spilled kool-aid onto it so she washed the stain away and left the dress to air dry outside on the balcony... the wind knocked it off and dropped it into a small oil spill in the parking lot. The dress was basically ruined, but she hoped she could get a new dress at the portable.


There were already a few girls being styled by the time we got there so we had to wait a while. Zamia had her hair taken care of first while I waited for a makeup artist to start on me. One of the workers there also started a drawing and two lucky winners would either get a gift card to the cheesecake factory or outback steakhouse. While my makeup was being done, I had been announced as the first winner and I chose the Cheesecake Factory gift card as the reward. I have yet to use it, but I hope I can use it by the end of the year. Zamia finished a few minutes before I did but she said I looked absolutely pretty with the makeup--I felt cakey as fuck and that's exactly why I don't do my makeup (and by that I mean use foundation or anything else on my skin). Once we were both done, Zamia told one of the workers who was in charge of the donations what had happened with her dress. Unfortunately, all the dresses were gone but the worker was kind enough to give us her $50 gift card to Ross that she had earned from a staff drawing. Zamia wanted to get her makeup done as well but the makeup artists were both busy so we decided to go to Ross while they finished, since the closest store was only a block away from the school. The walk there wasn't too terrible, but we were both thirsty and it felt like the sun was directly on top of us. We were walking through a heatwave too... I had brought one bottle of water with me which we were sharing and did not last us ten minutes into our walk. We took about an hour walking there, choosing and buying the dress (which was even better than the first dress), then walking back. This time, the heatwave wasn't as terrible as before and we had bought another big bottle of aloe water. By the time we got back to the portable, the makeup artists had started to pack their things and so, Zamia was left to do her own makeup. My mom arrived to pick me up while Zamia waited for her cousin T to drive over.


I'm not sure if I ever talked about her cousin, but I shared both my government and english classes with T. I think I might have referenced her before, but I can't remember if I used her real name or a nickname, so for now I'll call her T. T has apparently been going to my school since her freshman/sophomore year and has been a cheerleader since she has been here, though I was always varsity so I'm thinking she was probably in JV, or maybe she was on the freshman team in nineth grade. I think I would have remembered her if she was varsity. Anyway. T is kind of a bitch. In Zamia's own words, "She's a super bitch. She is the stereotypical sassy, angry black female who needs to have everything done her way. She's, like, the bitchy cheerleader in teen movies... Not all cheerleaders are like that, but she is 100% like that. She's petty as fuck, even her parents can't handle her sometimes." I've never had a real conversation with her because honestly, she truly looks like a bitch and a pain in the ass to deal with. She showed up to class whenever she wanted, she had this "the world revolves around me" type of vibe. Throughout the year during our english class, my teacher would have us do practice writings (usually) every Thursday to help us prepare for the essays on the AP test. My teacher normally didn't want us talking, though towards the end of the year, we got chattier and she didn't mind as much. My class had 6 tables, though only five of the tables were occupied. Closest to the door was the Girly Girls table (and they could talk for AGES), then an empty table behind theirs. On the opposite side of the room was a chill table with girls who wanted to do their work, then behind them was the Guys' table. It was all "smoke weed and chill" kind of table. My table was in the middle of all those tables.


Behind them, was T's table, aka, "the bad girls club" table (speaking of which, I'm remembering a cat fight that happened in english from girls at these two tables. It was wild). T's table was across the room from the girly girls table so most of the time, no one could hear what kind of conversations were happening. During one of our thursday writing sessions, the girly girls were giggling their asses off over some stupid texts from their groupchat. I'll admit, my table is right next to theirs so to me, it was a little annoying to hear them laughing when I was trying to focus on my writing, but it wasn't a huge annoyance. My issue wasn't so much the laughing, but rather that they would rather keep texting their groupchat than to focus on their writing which I don't think they did. Anyway, T came into class late as usual, but she came in with a full meal and her music playing out loud. The door slammed behind her, but she made her way over to her table and she started eating and working on her essay. About five minutes after T started writing, the girly girls started giggling again, to which T yelled out, "Can y'all seriously be quiet? Some of us are trying to work here. Some bitches don't know how to be quiet." To which in my head I was like, "...bitch. Really?" First off, T coming in late was more of a nuisance than the girls giggling because EVERYONE noticed T coming in with her portable speaker. No one in the class was bothered by them laughing but her, and if we had a problem with them being too loud, someone would have spoken up by then. The girls were in the wrong though for being a distraction, but that day pissed me off. So yeah, T likes to make an entrance but gets upset when others bother her. Maybe that was a bad example, but she is a HUGE bitch. Anyone could agree with me on that.


It's an important detail for later.


It was around 4PM when I got home from the school and the entire ride home, my mom was criticizing the makeup artists. She said she could have done my makeup better than the professional, but I honestly just needed her to be quiet. Something about this particular prom had me a bit anxious, and the last thing I needed was my mom talking about my "bad" makeup look. I got home and I had showered in the morning, so all I needed to do was freshen up, put on my dress and heels, and fix my hair. Oh, and eat something. I had skipped breakfast that day. I had promised Josefina a ride to prom but my mom wanted to wait for her husband first. He previously worked in many of the casinos at The Strip so he knew the area better than my mom, and my mom didn't trust herself to not get us lost there. Josefina was freaking out the entire time, asking when we would pick her up, but eventually we got there, I thanked her mom for the ticket money, and we left. We arrived at the location not long after we picked up Josefina and we didn't know the area either but there was a worker waiting outside, guiding all the prom kids into the location. Some of the people on the street even wished us a happy prom as soon as they saw us step out of the car. One of the strangers on the street even called us Princesses, since our dresses resembled gowns a little bit, Josefina's more than mine. The location was two stories above a gift shop; the gift shop being the first floor, then a restaurant on the second floor, and a dancehall on the third floor. At first I thought it was unusual to see a prom location like that, but once I entered the venue, I saw how beautiful it was. My school did a really nice job with the location.


I remember Josefina and I being unsure we were in the right place, even with the guy literally telling us we were in the right location, but we met up with Elías who was waiting for us at the stairs of the second floor and he looked fiiiiine as fuck. I had to whisper to Josefina, "Dats my man." We climbed up the set of stairs and I remember how weird it felt. It was like, as soon as I took the first step up, the metal music from the gift shop stopped playing and some mainstream radio music took its place instead. The actual prom venue was nothing like I had seen before, but I knew Elías was just as surprised as I was. Well, he was more upset than surprised to see that our school didn't have the funds to throw a good prom when he was a senior. We stood in a line as they checked our tickets and one thing that upset me was how the admins stressed us to bring our school IDs. They didn't check them at all... as long as our name was on the list, we were in. We made it in and Bianca #2 ran over to show us where the gang was sitting. We were sitting near the doors to the balcony (which provided a great view of the restuarant down below) with tables and stools... the tables were taller than me. Bianca and her boyfriend, Jordan and Adriana all ran off to take pictures on the balcony while I chatted with Eli, Josefina, Zachary, Jesus, and his date. We all grabbed some food (which was bomb, though it was mostly veggies) and drinks and sat down for a while until Josefina wanted to run over to the dancefloor. Well, she wanted to look for Antonio but eventually we were all dancing. I, for the love of my life, don't know how to dance to mainstream music. My body will not move to Taylor Swift or Kendrick Lamar or any of the bullshit that plays on the radio. The only way I was able to dance was when the hispanic music started playing. Suavemente, La Vaca, El Sonidito... you name it. I did most of my dancing while the DJ was playing my hispanic music. Eventually, the DJ slowed down the music and started playing "No Rompas Mas Mi Pobre Corazon" by Caballo Dorado (spanish version of Achey Breaky Heart) and ALL HELL broke lose. Everyone was getting ready to line dance, the Hype Guys were all using that mexican bird call (or mariachi cry, whatever you call it.) and it was fun as fuck. We were all in sync, everyone was smiling. It was amazing. As per usual, the DJ slowed down the song and as soon as we heard the first five seconds of "Payaso de Rodeo" (a sped up version of that song), everyone lost their shit yet again. People were yelling out, "Oh hell no, I'm not doing this one!" while other people were taking their shoes off to move at full speed. Josefina and I were one of those people; we took our heels off as soon as the song started playing. It was honestly so hard to stay on beat with the song since so many people were moving on the floor and it was literally shaking. About halfway into the song, I couldn't keep up and sat on the stage while everyone else bumped into each other.


After the song ended, the dancefloor was getting piled up again as the DJ played some more mainstream music, mainly music like Rae Sremmurd, Future, etc. Hype music is what they call it, I think. It was around this time that I bumped into Mari!!! We screamed, we hugged, and that was it lol. I was so surprised to see her at my school's prom (it was actually that one friend who would walk with us during lunch junior year who snuck her in), but I'm so glad we had that encounter. I told Josefina I wanted to eat (since she barely gave me any time to eat the first time we grabbed food) so we all went back to the food table and this time, we ate the food for real. When we finished eating, Zamia called me to ask if I was in the venue. I walked over to the where the check-ins were to see her running over to me, crying. I asked what was wrong and she said, "They admins called the police and T is being arrested right now. She is my RIDE HOME, and she's being arrested! How am I supposed to go home? I don't have any money for a bus!" Yeah... T came to prom with a slit in her dress, but the slit was dangerously high. Like, "peek-a-boo, let the wind blow on my dress and you get a free show" kind of dangerously high. I had a slit in my dress too, but my slit was not enough for a game of peek-a-boo. Zamia said that even T's mom had said the slit was too much, but T insisted she wear the dress. The admins stopped her and told her she couldn't come in with the slit being too high but T didn't care. T said it was fine if they wouldn't let her into the venue, but she wanted her money back right then and there. The admins told her they would give her the money back the following Monday, but she argued that she wouldn't leave the venue until she had her money. And so, the police were called onto the scene. She was arrested, and the cops wouldn't allow Zamia get her things out of the car. This went on for about an hour, actually.


So, a week before prom, Adriana talked with us about renting a limo. She said her aunt wanted to splurge and rent a limo for us to ride in after prom, and we had about 15 people on board to ride in it. Once the dance ended, her aunt would pick us up in the limo and drive us around town. Afterwards, she would drop us off all at home. This is what Adriana told us, and it's what we all told our parents. My mom was ok with this, as long as I came home safely. Well, Adriana's aunt caught a cold the morning of prom and felt too ill to drive us around in the limo so we would all have to find a ride home. Everyone else was told about this, but Adriana failed to notify me of this until the minute I stepped into the venue. I had to call my parents and tell them that they would have to come and pick me up, which my mom was not too happy about. On top of that, she would have to drop Josefina off too since she was also expecting to go home in the limo. I would have offered Zamia a ride home, but my mom was pissed off as it was. Eli was more than happy to give her a ride home though, she didn't live too far from my mom's house. He would have given me a ride too, but that would mean calling my mom again and dealing with her bitchiness and all I really wanted to do was enjoy the night. For the remainder of the night, people were trying to figure out why the police were at the door, Zamia was shaking and crying, and it was kind of awful. It ruined the mood for us to go dancing so we sat in one of the private booths in the lounge and kept her company to reassure her everything would be fine. Bianca and the government gang ran off again so it was Zamia, me, Eli, Josefina, and a junior who I don't know what to call, but he was in my precalc class. Jesus and his date were off taking pictures with Zach being the camera man. The junior from my class looked super uncomfortable. I tried making conversation with him, but he just didn't want to talk with any of us. Eventually, the police told Zamia that she could grab her belongings from the car before they took T away in handcuffs, so she ran off to do that.


Not long after she left, the lights dimmed down a little more and the DJ began to play the slow songs. Couples ran onto the dancefloor, and for some reason, I wasn't expecting to go back out there. With everything that had gone on between Zamia and her cousin, I guess I wasn't in the mood to do anything besides sit. Since the lounge was basically empty (except for the junior who was staring out into the street below and Josefina who wanted to watch us be cute), Elías asked if I wanted to dance with him right there. Our song was the first to start playing. We started slow dancing, we even sang along with the song. Right after that, our second song started playing and that's when I knew he had tipped off the DJ lol. During an instrumental part of the second song, I asked him, "What did you do? No way they would play this song in a 2017 prom." He chuckled and said, "When you and your friend went back to the table to eat. I went back over to the DJ, gave him $35 to play these two songs first." Now that I write about it, it still puts a stupid smile on my face. The first song was "Can I Have This Dance" from High School Musical 3, and the second song was "Slow Dancin' (Swayin' To The Music)" by Johnny Rivers. I don't think many people at my prom listened to music from the 70s like the second song, which is why I was so surprised that the DJ was playing it... but now I know it wasn't a coincidence. It meant a lot to me, if I'm being honest. The HSM song was the first song we ever danced to, back in his senior prom. I was super shy about dancing, but he made me feel comfortable. It was our first dance and well, the song means a lot to me. Sometime in my freshman year, we had talked about him being my date for my senior prom. I always joked and said, "I'll never go, you know I hate dancing... but who knows? If I learn to dance, then maybe I will. If I go, I want that 'slow dancin' song to play. It's such a nice song to slow dance to, you know? It's in the title. No one will see it coming." It made me happy to see that he remembered something stupid I had said three years ago.


We also danced to "Promise" by Usher ft. Romeo Santos and "All My Life" by KC and Jojo. Josefina was recording us the entire time, whispering "goalssss" into her phone's mic. Eventually, Zamia came back with her things and not long after she came back, my mom called me in a panic, telling me to hurry since she was waiting outside. Josefina put her shoes on fast as possible and we bounced out of the mofo real quick. All I heard was Eli yelling he'd stop by after dropping my friend off. My mom was hurrying us to go outside but Josefina and I were both having a hard time getting down the stairs in heels, hers especially looked like a pain to walk in. I also had my cup of lemonade and it was BOMB, but I didn't want to drop it. I had my phone in one hand, lemonade in the other, my mini purse was falling off my shoulders, I needed to hold onto the handrail, and everything was a mess. We eventually made it into the car (my mom had some people behind her) and after we calmed down a bit, we told my mom and her husband about the things that happened. Josefina was dropped off at her home, we made it back home and my mom went back to sleep once I was in my room. The first thing I did was take off my heels but I spent some time chilling on my bed still in the dress, just scrolling through my phone. It was only about 20 minutes after I had gotten home that Eli called me and asked to let him in, but I snuck him through my bedroom window instead so the dogs wouldn't bark. He said he wanted a complete, private dance so he pulled out his phone, put on our songs, and we danced for a bit. He ended up spending the night with me, but that was it. April 1st, prom 2017.

Tell me, future self, why would I ever forget that night? I feel ashamed that I completely forgot to write about it in the previous entry. I wanted to go to the different casinos downtown and take cute prom couple pictures with my friends. I wanted to dance the night away. I wanted to stick my head out of the limo window. None of that happened, and despite that, it was still a memorable night for me, mainly because someone I care about remembered something so meaningless from years ago. I wish I could relive that night again, although slightly different... Not once did I ever have my picture taken. Josefina took videos, but I never got the chance to ask for them. They were snapchat videos, they're most likely gone now if she didn't save them to her memories. It was supposed to be a special night for Zamia too, but she spent the day worrying about her dress and later on, how she was going to get home. She didn't get to enjoy the night at all. Not super relevant, but the following Monday, I found out a few people had gotten kicked out of the dance for bringing pills and throwing up on the dancefloor. Ha.

And, yeah. That was my prom. Do I regret going? Not entirely. I have never been a fan of events where I'm expected to dance, especially if the music that is playing is music I don't normally enjoy. But, I was able to spend some time outside of my house with people whose company I don't mind. There's a few things I would change about that night, but at the same time, I'm glad that it worked out the way it did. As for Zamia's cousin, she was gone for a week since she was in police custody. Then she never came back; she was expelled and sent to a different school up in Northtown. My government teacher heard about the things that happened, but he even threw some shade at her. "Why are some people just... ridiculous. *sigh* There are just some people... who always need to have their way. It's ridiculous." I'm glad that T was expelled. Her presence always put me in a bit of an anxious, angry mood. I guess it's hard to explain. Yeah.

So, I started writing this the same day of Halloween. Early in the morning, actually. I had this whole paragraph written about how I didn't sleep the night before, staying up until 2:30AM because of how I was unable to fall asleep. Uh, sleep is another subject I'd like to expand on eventually. But yeah, I've been working on this since the 31st of October. By the time I came home from trick-or-treating with the kids, I was too tired to continue writing. My tiredness continued up until today, the 17th of November, when I realized I had nothing else to do. The internet bill (at my mom's house) hasn't been paid in about two weeks now, so I've been using my phone data. Actually, a guy from our internet provider came to our house earlier while my mom was picking up my brother from school. He gave me a sheet of paper that basically said our bill was overdue, we had until the 18th to pay before they discontinued our service... which is tomorrow, now that I know today is the 17th. Well, shit. Haha. I haven't been keeping track of the dates this month. My dad asked who we were spending Thanksgiving with, and I had to ask him when Thanksgiving is. It's next week.


BUT YEAH. That was off-topic. I'm posting this now through my hotspot, just a lil quick update before I forget to post for several more months. I've been using my phone a ton these past two weeks, but when I'm not using my phone, I'm playing on my 3DS (another story for laterrr) which is currently charging right in front of me right now. It's sitting on my vanity, I'm hoping I've given it enough time to recharge. I think it's been charging for about two hours now... and since it's charging, I don't have much else to do. My mom had her first date night with her husband in monthsssss and I was put in charge of the kids. They're all sleeping, so I've done my job. But I don't have anything to do. So, here I am, writing. Trying to cure my boredom. I've decided that I will break June's update into two parts. This entry was supposed to be for all of June but then I forgot about prom and with both prom and June together, it's just too much. I already have about 1/3 of June written down, but it might take me for than just tomorrow to finish, depending on how distracted I get. I'm going to give myself until tomorrow night to write it, let's see how fast I can work my fingers, eh.


It's 12:01AM as I finish typing this. Technically November 18th, though it's never a new day for me until I sleep and wake up... My mom should have been back by now, she said she'd be home by 10. I guess she deserves a fun night out. The problem is, well, I can't get too into it just yet. Long story short, I used all three locks on the front door for our safety, and my mom is expecting for me to remove the final lock once she's outside. I'm feeling a bit tired and I want to go to sleep but I can't do that until she comes home. I could remove that specific lock now and have her open the door herself, but I know she'll get mad and I don't need that... because I didn't wash dishes either, lol. I hope she comes home soon. I'm really tired.


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