This life
2017-11-12 04:21:11 (UTC)

Rambling on

Tonight is one of the nights I'm working at the Assisted Living home. At the two o'clock checks we found someone on the floor. Poor thing. She wasn't in pain and was A&Ox3 so we helped her up and put her back to bed. Her vitals were good, she was in good spirits. I've had another resident quite confused tonight not wanting to go to bed. She's very disoriented. I think I've finally convinced her to sleep here tonight and call her family in the morning, It's hard when they get their mind set on something they dig their heels in and fight tooth and nail. Even if it doesn't make sense it does to them. I hope I don't get Alzheimer's. I don't want to live like this. I don't know if anyone remembers a spoof song called "I Want A Death By MisAdventure" (Copy and paste to see the YouTube video.) Anyway, I digress.

I'm just really tired. This third shift life is beginning to wear me down. It's been about 16 months and I'm loosing steam. The weird hours that don't coincide with my husband's schedule. It's putting a strain on things I can just tell. And I was thinking last night how dull and mundane my job was and even a monkey could do it. And then I started messing up. Stupid things. Forgetting steps on how to set up the machines, some little skill or trick I've picked up that if missed screws everything up and I have to go back and do it over. Now I realize these people would die if I didn't put needles in their arms and hook them up to these dialysis machines and filter their blood. And they could die if I wasn't watching them and monitoring them constantly all during the night. Watch pressures to see if needles are working their way out of someone's arm, blood pressure dipping too low because we're pulling too much UF. And now I realize it's not dull and mundane, and I had to get certified for a reason. I had to go through a lot of training to get to this point. No I am not going to quit and find some other work to do. So, pull up your boot straps and settle in for another 16 months of working the night shift.

Gotta go do 4:00am checks. I hope everyone is in bed this round. OK I'm back and everyone is safe and sound.

Just a side note. Since starting this journal, I have met one lovely young girl who messaged me, and I found another journal just reading on my own and both have Borderline Personality Disorder. Two different continents. What are the odds? Maybe I should look into this and see what it is all about. I know I'm bipolar. Crazy bitch without medication. But now I have something to research. Just a side note.

I haven't talked to mom since she left. She sent me pictures of her blueberry picking on my phone. But no conversation. I texted her for her address so I could send her something for Christmas. She texted the address. No conversation. This really is the shits. My husband feels like he can't do anything good enough for my dad, when in fact my dad is afraid of offending my husband. AND IM THE FUCKING BIPOLAR ONE!! I'm the one who loves everybody and they are just going to have to get along. Just say a little prayer and everything will work out all right. Why the hell can't everyone just get along.? There is no reason for anyone to not be open and honest and not get defensive and listen to each other and be tolerant and patient with each other. Attitudes. That's why. It would all be so easy to share a space to live in if everyone could just check their attitude at the door. Just be calm and relax . Chill. No looking for hidden meanings. Say something if you're unsure of what you heard. I get stressed just thinking about it. So there, I wrote it. Now it's either going to be permanent because it's written, or now it can escape into the universe.