MissEnlightenment

Bipolar Mama
2017-11-10 22:29:08 (UTC)

Feeling Blah.

According the the book "The Psychology of Success", unhappiness finds us when we don't face certain things. Whether it's self-pity due to insecurity or avoiding a conflict, by determining the matter one is avoiding and deciding methods to face it, we can overcome all unhappiness. I'm very conflicted right now. It began with waking up.
I took my Syroquel for the first time in about 5 days, during which I slept an average of 6 hours a night waking up to a feeling of being unable to get back to rest. I took the Syroquel to combat this overactivity (which was making me very irritable), and slept 12 hours, waking up feeling like I could sleep for the rest of the day and as though my ambition had been sucked out of me. I re-wrote my goals, I visualized, but something in me just didn't believe it like I did in the past days. Today I'm looking for something to be unhappy about. Today I check the creditcard transactions to see that Kyle has purchased alcohol the day before- 'What for? Was he really wasting my money on drinking on school nights? Wonderful,' my self-pittying antics act up. The same night before this purchase I spent in his bed. I woke up the next morning and sent him loving txts to recieve no reply. I'm not sure if this plays a role but I did have a dream related to him ignoring me. Today I ask him about it and he describes it as a mistake. Is it possible that he got drunk with someone else? Spending my money for leisure in which he ignores me? We set boundaries, we decided weekly visits would give us the love we needed without allowing for codependence. So, is this really the issue? Really, if he had, I trust him. I know his heart's in the right place and that if I have qualms with this he will make rightful efforts to correct. So, what?
I think its just general human relations.
I don't even like my friends.
This needs to change- I need to create a network of friends that don't base my value on my willingness to ruin my life along-side them.




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