From this to That
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2017-10-28 08:33:37 (UTC)

The finest but the glummest day of my life

It was a date. It wasn't really a date but it felt like one. However, these feelings of contentment and excitement was just me. I was the only one who got thrilled and jovial and I'm sure he doesn't feel the same way as me.
Today was our schools futsal tournament between the two branches of our school. The event occurred in a sports garage with four immense courts; 2 assigned to the boys teams, one for the girls and the other for the primaries. The court was surrounded with benches and tables which were crowded with a flock of people. My brother participated in the tournament but i didn't go to cheer for him unfortunately (sorry bro). I went to see the love of my life play. A tall, handsome and good-looking guy with broad shoulders and a muscular body. His hair, partially curly but it suits him and makes him look even more dashing. i fall for him every day, again and again, knowing things will never work out and he will never love me , nevertheless, i put a smile on my face, pretending to be a person i am not and can never be, laughing if everything is beautiful and smiling like the sun gleaming in through a window. I fell in love with him one and a half year ago. I realized my feelings in Valentines Day when I saw him with another woman on instagram. Tears rolled down my eyes flooding my bedroom floor creating a waterfall. I felt my heart cry in pain and the first time in my life... I had fallen in love. I fell for him because he is so caring. He always comforts me when I'm sad and gave me the best advice's which changed my life.
Anyways, i reached there around 8 15 and in a few minutes, my close friend ju yeon had arrived as well. Before ju yeon came, Seba (the love of my life) came up to my table saying "hi zaini!" (While smiling cheekily). I smiled back joyfully with a "hi" in response. "Kaise ho ji?" he asked. I laughed replying back i'm fine. He talks to me in Urdu sometimes to tease me. Btw, his Indian and..... my economics teacher. Ik, ik, its stupid and it’s so wrong of me to love him but i can’t choose who to fall for can i? Anyhow, he kept his bag and left and 2 minutes later, ju yeon showed up. I ran to her unable to control my exhilaration screaming all the words that were orbiting my brain. Ji yeon laughed and smiled sincerely saying "You must be happy zainab! I’m happy for you too!" we both giggled while walking back to our table, sitting down with the eagerness to see our brothers play. A few minutes later, Seba showed up, asking to keep his phone with us until he finishes, playing basically when the tournament ends. So i kept his and mine phone in my back pocket, feeling its warmth, comforting my soul and emotions even though it was just a gadget that belonged to him however for me, it was as precious as a piece of ruby. I captured plenty of memories, most of them were of Seba but i did take some of my brother as well. He plays so damn good! My heart, racing every time he jumps, kicks the ball, every time he looks at me and smiles; i feel like i'm in seventh heaven. When we were standing near court 2, i just felt really depressed so i went out for a walk. I saw ju yeon talking to Seba happily so i just got upset and ran out like a coward. Arriving back to the garage, i was alone in a cluster of people, my heart sinking and i felt like digging a hole and hide myself for the rest of the life. Ju yeon messaged me so i went to her where she was sitting beside Seba. I sat myself down. Seba curiously asked" kya huwa ji?" i laughed glumly and said “nothing i’m fine." "Arre re arre kya hua...." he started to sing this old Indian song to which i laughed and said i’m fine OK. He smiled prettily." Zainab ju yeon wanted to eat a banana just now." "hahaha . i laughed, yeah she saw Mr Osama eating one and started to crave one" "yeah she likes the big ones and fat ones" we all laughed together in loud voices however murmurs to the massive uproars in the garage. As hours passed by, we shifted to the other side of the court, me and ju yeon started to study business, surprising loads of students however that wasn't our intentions. Seba kept on proudly announcing, "see, you should be like them! " These are my students that's why!" it made me glad because he was happy although he did tell me to have fun but i refused because whenever i’m happy, it lasts for a few hours and then i just feel glum about it because a lot of sad episodes in my life veils my happy memories. After which Seba went to play his match. later on i came back seeing him sitting in the same place as before however ignoring him, i clung to the net, staring at my brother play, an aggressive figure, running at the speed of light, his eyes twitching with anger and his body perspiring heavily. his stamina was burning out of him like a fog of smoke, the ball moving to the rhythm of his feet and suddenly Seba asks me "zainab, come sit here" he pats on a vacant place beside him to which my heart screams and jumps with joy, my body moving towards the bench with a composed countenance. He bends in asking one more time" you’re OK right?" i smiled saying "yup i’m fine" we both just sat there together watching the figures tossing around a spherical object into each other’s territory. After a while, ju yeon came back, and he moved over making space for her. She was a bit upset because she ran into her ex but i told her to get a grip stop acting like this. She can’t keep up like this because they are in the same school. Anyways tony(ju yen’s brother)got injured and ju yeon went to check on him. Returning back to my bench, i discovered that it was taken by some boys. Seba was also there. Anyways, we both were standing there with a table as an obstacle between us. “Has the primary game finished yet?" Seba questioned me. "i don't know" i said. "Do you wanna go watch them ?" "Sure" i said .i'm kinda short so when we reached there, i was on his left while he kept looking at the back for me and soon discovered i was by his side. He talked about the kids and how well they play and that was it really. Later, we were in between two courts and he kept teasing me by pulling the net towards me and also patted me on the shoulder to calm me down as i was screaming at my brother. Well that really was it. I also discovered my brother’s classmate asked him about what type of movies i watch and if i have a boyfriend. Well nothing much. I got a bit jealous when he was talking to some PJ girls and laughing with smiles in returns. Sometime later, ju yeon's friend who was in our school came and she got busy with her and i was just alone. I just get panic attacks when i’m alone in a crowd. Today was the first time i experienced this. Well time passed by and mom came. A last glance at him and i left. I felt sad throughout the whole journey back home because i was so happy and that i can’t be with him makes me sad. I’m so happy that i got to spend a wonderful day with him(indirectly)but i can’t be a part of his life. Because of my values , my parents and him as well, partially.
I have a dinner party to attend so l'll proceed my attention to getting ready and sadly bring this entry to an end. Thank you so much Seba, for making me happy and i want you to be the first and the last guy i ever love. I hope. Adios.

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