All that is
i'm starting to resent him. not fully but i can feel it coming not too far away.
the last time he sent me any message was to say that there's something he'd like me to film when we're in Lagos. that he'll flesh it out a lot more for me. I haven't heard from him since. And that was last Wednesday. Then his friend f came on thursday to chiw's album event and i got excited when he said that ty told him that he'd pass through. But my excitement was short-lived. the event was finishing at 9:30 and it got to about 8:30pm and he still hadn't shown up. and so i had to call it. he wasn't coming. i was slightly disappointed but still in good spirits because i was enjoying myself. there also was no word to even say sorry i couldnt make it or anything. Or even to check that i was still coming to the party on saturday. nevertheless i still went to the party. it was pretty good. full of people etc. i got there and ty was on the podium area dancing. i went to the bathroom and when i got back it took me a moment before i realised he'd made his way to the room we were in, and was in the throes of a dance-off with chwe. i couldn't help myself from smiling when i saw him. of course he found pam and started dancing with her, i thoguht - the two of them are sick dancers. I tried to suppress the fact that i was beaming but it just made my smile look even more involuntary and pronounced.
Before I knew it,
And then i saw her. her physique was slight. no serious in's and outs, no exaggerated curves. just slight. she was small too, about 5'4. long face, long snout-like nose, wore red lipstick. no distinguishing features, very distinctly average. danced like a white girl an effort. i spotted her brother too, i could tell it was him based on the facebook posts i saw. my stalking. he too was less attractive in person. i don't think i saw them with black peeps, only whites.
It makes me wonder whether that text he sent was his way of doing damage control. cos he's like 'well i'm not gonna leave my gf, but i also need to stay on aka's good side. so i'll first of all tell her that i want to remain friends, and that i value her as a person in my life and don't want to ruin that in any way. then i'll drop little bits to keep her hopes up for something more with me. that way she stays in line and doesn't try to fuck anything up with my girlfriend. i may be wrong but i wouldn't be surprised if he's thinking along those lines. and that's his plan. he has no plans of becoming single anytime soon. and i resent that. i also wonder whether he's done it before. i found it peculiar that he asked me 'do you think you'll be mad at me tomorrow?' i mean i know what he was getting at, but the question was oddly specific - like he knew how this normally goes. he said that every girl he's ever been with he's cheated on.
1. block his ass on social media
2. ask him to meet and talk
3. Just wait till Naija and see what happens
the problem with the first one is that - i'd have to have a reason. if he doesn't contact me for a few weeks then that could be a legit reason. i'd block him on Facebook, ig, WhatsApp. or just unfriend him.
the problem with the second option is that even if we do meet and talk, it won't change anything. it's not like we;ll suddenly become closer or we'll spend more time with each other, no. if anything it could create some kind of wall between us. or more tension. as it is right now this veil of 'everything is okay-ness' is in-tact enough for us to still be warm when we meet. i don't want a situation where he starts literally avoiding me because of this. but then again who's to say that the show he's putting on right now is not just damage control as i've said?
the problem with the third option is that it's too passive. too weak. i can't imagine being taken seriously after that. I feel like some tension needs to be introduced in order to shake him up right now he's too fucking comfy. how can he ignore me for two months and then think that in Naija he and i will be best friends? who does he think he is? who does he think i am? i wouldn't respect someone who would accept me doing that to them. i just couldn't. so i either need to talk to him and tell him that we should address this and also be prepared for the possibility that we may fall out. i don't want to fall out per se, i just want a way to show him that i'm not ok with being on the side so to speak.