MissEnlightenment

Bipolar Mama
2017-10-19 12:51:21 (UTC)

Living with Amanda away from Kyle

Currently I am still here with Amanda. Approximately one week ago I went over to the appartment Kyle and I shared to let him know that I needed to finalize the breakup. It was hard but it was the right thing. I just read over my last entry, I still parallel the opinions expressed.
Kyle and I are not right for eachother right now. I could never continue my relationship with Kyle as long as I see him as inferior, as brash or insensitive as that is, that's sort of the reality. Kyle's social and motivational flaws made me feel like he was inferior.
Since finalizing the break-up, I have relied on Kyle for support in a number of ways. We've kept finances together until Kyle gets paid, so he's grabbed groceries for me. I've also become "weak" in some aspects and relied on him emotionally as well. Theres been at least 2 occasions where I've come to him to cry in search of emotional support, and gotten it. During these we barely touched and kept things very platonic.
Last night I pushed the envelope.
I went to Kyle to cry to discover that Amanda planned on getting together with him that night. I missed my friends and asked if I could join.
So we did. It went fine. The night progressed to me alone with Kyle drunk and relaxed. There was some touching but no kissing and constant reminders of boundaries.
I wake today now realizing being friends isn't that easy.
I really wish it was. He's already showing to be a better friend than boyfriend.
I'm not that strong. The line between friend and boyfriend with him is far too thin.
So we talked today about some of the issues we've had and decided we need to finalize things.
We are going to get together this weekend, have drinks, kiss, cry, laugh and fuck and say goodbye to all the wonderful things we've had these past years. Never once during this journey have I felt that this was it.
This is it.




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