Lancelot the Therapist
"Mary on a Wave" by Okkervil River
I get a little soft shiver in my shoulder
Cause I think there's someone watching
I get a little soft whistle in my ears now
But I guess it's just time passing
October 16, 2017 Monday 12:30 PM
I met my new therapist today. I like him a lot. I already had a feeling I would really like him, though, because we talked on the phone while organizing an appointment and it was easy to laugh with him, which was comforting. His office was strange. It was in an old building in the Jewelry district (he told me it used to be a manufacturing plant or something) and the elevator had a clear window in the back panel that showed the white brick wall behind it. The wood floors were polished, but were very creaky and old. The whole thing was very clean-looking, though, despite its age. His office looked like a baby apartment, and I told him this. It had wide open windows that let in the cold white-ish light of October, rustic support beams, white walls, plants everywhere, and cushy black couches.
As soon as I sat down, I said, "It's so soft!!!!"
The therapist, who I guess I will call Lancelot because that's what his name reminds me of, looked at me half-smiling and wondrous and was all, "I'm glad you take such pleasure in that!"
I talked a lot, I dunno about what. He asked me some questions too, and I answered them as best as I could. At some point, he told me I was very literal, and that is the first time anyone has ever said that to me. My first thought was: what does that mean? I guess I am literal because I didn't quite realize he was making a joke at some point earlier in the session, and later on he asked me a question and I wasn't sure to answer "yes" or "no" because the wording was, I guess, sort of ambiguous. But I don't know, this still doesn't seem like enough information for me to grasp what it really means to be literal. Am I literal? Or am I inferential? Or am I somewhere in between with a leaning towards one side? Which side do I lean towards??!?!?!?
I like that, after this misunderstanding, Lancelot (Lance?) burst out laughing because just as we had established my confusion he realized I had written down, in my therapy goals sheet, that I had hoped to get better at communicating. He thought this was funny and I thought it was nice that he was laughing.
We talked a bit more about ambiguity in language, including in the words "bimonthly" and "biweekly" which frustrate us both.
Oh, also. One of my therapy goals was to get better at socializing??? And while Lance probed this line of thought, I ended up telling him that the problem is that I don't reap much of a reward from social interaction, not often at least. Shame and terror is what I feel instead, to different degrees depending on the situation. He laughed and told me we should probably work on that.
I'm going to see him again next Monday.