earlhoney

Thought Hotel
2017-10-14 15:37:51 (UTC)

- some thoughts on kpop -

I was more in the mood to write about this in the morning, but I had to do volunteering work, so here we are.

I mentioned in my last entry that I've gotten into kpop, (after watching bts' Bon Voyage out of boredom) and if I'm honest, I don't know if it's a good thing or not.

On one hand, seeing them in posts and watching videos of them warms me up, somehow. They're a source of comfort that I can always return to. Last week I lost all of my flashcards for philosophy, I was close to tears. So I stopped everything I was doing, and watched some videos of them goofing around, and after a few minutes I was smiling again. I really do feel like I can relate to them, (especially Jin for some reason).

Their music is also really nice, smooth, a mixture of genres. Good stuff.

But there are some things I've noticed happening to me, that have happened before, and that I'd wanted to avoid.

When I was around twelve or thirteen, I was a very big Dan and Phil fan. Like, VERY big. I had piles of merch, and I was a hardcore shipper. Until I realised that it was kind of creepy. Until, after seeing them live, I felt torn to shreds that I'd never see them again. (Until they slowly became more commercial). I don't really watch them any more, but I'm glad to have learnt something from that phase.

As soon as I noticed bts popping up on my Instagram time and time again, I promised myself I wouldn't get that obsessed again. It was physically painful, and annoying. I'm not thirteen anymore.

I've liked them for about four months now, and I'm worried I'm falling into those old habits. It's like being literally in love with people you don't know, and it hurts to know they don't know you, even when you shouldn't expect them to. I'm beginning to put them on a pedestal, and I really didn't want that to happen.

I'm going to try my best to stop it. They're real people, and i shouldn't treat them like fictional characters. Luckily I haven't gotten into the whole shipping extravaganza.

On top of that, it's becoming more and more likely that they'll perform in the place I live, in which case I'd obviously want to go. But a big part of me doesn't want them to come. If they do, seeing them is making a big leap - it would be TATINOF all over again. (That's Dan and Phil's live performance if you didn't know). Plus my parents don't know I'm into them that much, and I'd have no one to go with. However, if they came and I didn't see them, I'd be forever haunted with the fact that I could've done so, could've met them, and talked to them in limited english, and been recognised, to have connected. The best option is if they don't come, for me.

It's a tricky situation. But there's not much I can do.

Hope everyone is having a lovely day x




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