What a mess.....i am so low....very low....one of the lowest i have ever felt....financial trouble and matters stiffing me....closing in on me....i cant breathe. I thank God for the new role i have been able to start in my career, it is a good job and i am good at it but the money is nothing close to what is required but i have to continue to endure. I am so broke i didn’t have enough money to go into work today. I have borrowed money from friends and the money is due for repayment. A repayment is due in the next few days and i have no idea how i am going to pay that. My salary this month due next week has already been spent on school fees, rent and loan repayment. I will still struggle with other expenses and have no idea how i will pay them. On top of that I have an ex wife using the law to chase me to make maintenance payments and school fees even though i have explained to her several times i cant do both because of my salary. To be honest the worst that will happen is that she will have to withdraw them from private education which is up to her. Her salary is double mine and she can afford to maintain them and maintain the status quo of the last 2 years where we share the school fees but no, she is now driven to collect maintenance on top of school fees, you cant draw blood from stone so lets see what will happen.
Now my biggest fear right now is the interview I have next Tuesday with the insolvency service. My company was wound up because of VAT i owed the tax man. It is a big worry as one of the options they have is to make me bankrupt. That will finish me off as i would never be able to get a job in the financial market. I will put this in my prayers. On top of this I have personal income tax debt, this is historic as the tax man deemed the money i was paying myself between 2007 -2013 was illegal and i was not paying enough tax so i have to make all the tax payment they have calculated to be a six figure number. There you go ....multiple tax debts and consequences, ex wife chasing for money i don’t have, job that doesn’t pay enough to sustain my expenditure, debt to friends....as if this is not enough i am not even motivated enough to do what i am suppose to do. The plan is to take this time of no money and heavy burden to turn off a lot of activities in my life and look inward, make myself a better person, work on my person, study my BA subject and be an expert in the field so by end of Q1 2018 i can command any salary i want. By the grace of God this is the plan, i will work hard, it will not be easy as i have tried many times but I can feel it in my bones. I will work very hard and be an expert BA by April 2018, this is a promise. April 2018 I will get the dream job but before then I need to get myself ready for that. I need to be a disciplined person, committed to my career and being a good person.
I am calm but i feel threatened by all these issues around me. No money, debt, threat of bankruptcy. I feel low. I am alone in my little flat just me, myself and i and my troubles.....