All that is
Ad 2:
2017-10-08 14:31:34 (UTC)

I don't feel comfortable using ..

I don't feel comfortable using metaphors for violence that people actually endured especially when we have other language to adequately describe what happened.

he told me he was taken by me. he said this will sound like a "bar" but 'i feel like it was meant to happen'' referring to us meeting at the play..or maybe it was 'when we met that night i felt something' something along those lines. and i admit it made me smile and probably made my eyes twinkle.

I will tell him this:

I felt a little disappointed in myself for allowing myself to enter that position. The position of the woman who's the secret. In the restaurant for ...
I regret not being firm on the boundaries i tried to enforce, and putting you in a position where you had no choice but to disrespect me.
I don't want to put you in a position where you'll have no choice but to disrespect me
Because I think I deserve and can have far better than that.

Chiw said I should approach it with the mentality of what I want to get out of it. in this case, i want him. I want to be with him, like i want to date him. I want us to be together. so that means I can't come in as the side thing. he has to feel like he's worked for it a little bit. he has to feel like he's made some kind of sacrifice to be with me. otherwise he won't value you. and that means

Here's the plan. There are two months remaining until we find ourselves in lagos together. Here's what might happen between now and then, along with some rules to adhere to, aligning with my overall goal of being wtih him:

- we'll see each other this thursday at the stand up thing in brixton. we'll both be normal hopefully. i'll try and compartmentalise last nights events in the same part of my mind where I've filed the kiss in the cab that happened and we both never addressed.
- no more sexual contact until he breaks up with his girl