NewmanG

My space
2017-09-30 04:29:12 (UTC)

30th September 2017

Don't know if it was worth going to sleep. Three hours is what I got. I couldn't get over right away. I was very awake. Plus I wanted to check everything, see if you'd written anything and stuff. Once I saw you hadn't I just re read what was there.


First thing I've done this morning is check everything, just to see if your alright. You have written again. You can write whatever you'd like to about whatever you'd like, it's your page to express what you need to. It doesn't need to be good enough for anyone but you. I'm not pissed at you for how you feel, I just want you to understand why I do it, it has to be done, it's never because I want to.

I've never not loved you 💙

Because of what I know and what it might and probably will mean, this next part fucking kills me. I know you you don't want live in a house like that, it makes sense and yes I can see the problem. I know how long it's going to take to be mine. This is why reading what you've written is fucking destroying me right now . Not because of what you've said, but because of what it means and how things will no doubt have to be.. I don't want to pretend everything is okay, I want it to be genuinely okay. And if it's not I want to fix it, right now, I don't know about you, but I'm really, really, not okay.

I don't think I'm going to post this like normal. I can't. I feel so bad right now. I need to just.. well, yeah.

I don't know how I can make this work for us. Would you ever really be happy in that house? Whether it's mine or not?

I'm not fucking strong enough for this..

I've read that same paragraph so many times. It's not that it hurts, it worries me. It scares me. I know it's a problem. I just try to see past it for us. I want us just that fucking much. I get why you can't and would feel uncomfortable, but I don't know what to do to fix it either.

I can tell you anything, what I'm thinking, what I'm worrying about, anything. I've never been able to do that with anyone before. My mind goes to these places because right now at least, I can't talk properly to you about anything. Usually so much more of this stuff would be between us in texts or conversation. I miss that.

So now for what I only assume is your day starting in however that looks we've stopped messaging.. I hope your alright, take it easy if your legs sore.

These days feel like they're dragging so much to me... especially today

Even thought your busy, I still keep checking WhatsApp to see when you were last online, just to sort of see if your alright I guess, but for some reason it's not showing up, like I've been blocked, not even saying earlier... it's not the worst thing, I just hope your okay

I've went to catch whatever is left of the sunset tonight.. it's half 2 your time, half seven here... I can't stop thinking about you, just seeing you, your smile, your voice, all the little things about you that as I think of them make me miss you more... the way you say nah, your laugh, how you'd sit and hold my hand.. I really fucking miss you... gold digger came on as I wrote this

Worry has gripped hold of me again tonight. It's not about you or us, so please don't fret that it is. I'm not completely sure what it is, I'm just really fucking worried right now

-9




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