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2017-09-29 19:08:05 (UTC)


"The Wait" by Built to Spill
You wait
You wait
You wait for summer,
Then you wait for rain
You wait
You wait
You wait for darkness then you wait for day

September 29, 2017 Friday 7:16 PM

Today, I feel like I am twelve years old. A second ago, this was okay, but then I saw Nick and another guy from Excellence. They were both entering the Ratty and I was about to leave with my box of hastily gathered goods (a bunch of salad, some cream of wheat I mistook for something actually good, and a burger patty with some cheese on it and a tomato). I said hi to Nick, 'cause at first I only saw him. And then I looked up and said hi to the other kid. And I feel like they stood there forever, but that's probably just because Nick was waiting for the other kid to swipe into the Ratty and that takes a couple seconds.

After I left, instead of going back to my dorm or sitting on the main green, I just settled on a table right outside the Ratty. And this is because I'm hoping to eventually see people I know again because my twelve-year-old self has informed me that I am lonely. I have spent this whole day alone and now I have the energy to interact with people. But, like, I'm not currently resilient enough to endure the meeting of new people. Which leaves me very limited options because I don't know a lot of people.

I might've been satisfied if I saw Karina this morning, but I didn't and that's saddish. Maybe she ate breakfast before me. I woke up late today.

Anyway, I'm lonely and also giddy and feelin' innocent, alone, a little cold. And bare naked in the soul, drained of introversion, nothing to write about anymore. I'm probably cold because it's 61 degrees out. It is 3 degrees warmer here than it is back home, according to google, which I used just a minuted at at 7:25 PM.

So yeah, I guess I'm still here, sittin' outside the Ratty bein' lonely. Man. That is a downer. I can't even read because the sun has set. God, the sky is beautiful, though. It stopped raining last weekend and its been sunny days since. My feet are on dead leaves. I'm coughing, my cold hasn't left me yet. All soft in the lungs.