Aquamoon

~thoughts~
2017-09-24 14:36:15 (UTC)

Housing dilemma or time to drop some friends?

My two friends that are twins want me to room with them this spring. But i already made plans to room with ashley and amy. In the beginning when lydia and gabby proposed this living arrangement, i was excited bc they are both in my year and we have similar goals. But they are VERY goal oriented- as in Type A, super high-strung and prone to having their actions be driven by anxiety alone. This isn’t good for me because i really just absorb other people’s energy. And then being two people really amplifies that and results in my mood essentially being controlled by them. Even if i had a good day and i meet with them and their day wasn’t as good or they’re feeling stressed, i suddenly wont be having a good day either. It may sound selfish, but that makes me want to stop hanging out with them altogether. I feel like it’s so easy for them to have the same opinions on things and for me to be shut down in turn. It doesn’t help that they are also sort of critical towards others. For example, when I buy my lunch instead of packing they always comment on how unprepared/careless i am for not saving money by packing food from home (honestly even if that’s true- it’s my problem). Or if I decide to study last minute, i get judged for it. Or if i mention that i’d like to go to a music festival, they’ll get all practical about it and totally kill my dream… LOL. like i think it’s in their nature to be practical and critical, you know? And I can’t change who they are. They like to be disciplined and to do things right. Don’t get me wrong, i do as well… but I’m more inconsistent about it. i see more to life than just getting A’s and being as frugal as possible. when i was in high school, i would set everything aside . All i cared about was succeeding so that i wouldn’t have to struggle with being poor and having to worry about whether or not we’d make the rent that month. I also cared a lot about prestige and impressing my parent/teachers. I don’t care about those things as much anymore because i know that even if i graduate with a 3.0, i know i at least won’t be hanging by a thread the way i did in the past. I simply don’t feel that pressure anymore. Also, ever since my family sort of fragmented and everyone went their own ways, I don’t care as much about working hard for them and making them proud. Because we’re all out for ourselves now, i mean we care about each other but we’re not codependent or anything, i don’t feel that much pressure to achieve as best as possible anymore. I am more concerned with ensuring that there is balance in my life. And that has been hard for me to do. I want balance in my health, relationships, work, and play. I want to feel happy and not high-strung, tense, or super stressed all the time like i did in high school. I also want to keep up with my relationships and reserve time for socializing showing people in my life that they matter to me.
i have other priorities and i feel like the criticism that i get from the twins disrupts that balance. Sometimes i feel like straight up walking away from them when i feel like they begin to judge the choices i make and try to micromanage things i do. I hate hate hate haaaate feeling controlled. I was put on this earth to live my life, not for others to live through me. I think that if the twins don’t like the way i do things, they should find another friend because i am not going to change and i think that it is toxic to be in a friendship, or any relationship, where someone wants to mold another person into their opinion of ideal.




Ad: