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Well, I went out on a date last night. This one was via old school and not via the online dating site. She is beautiful. At least to me anyway and I can be known for being shallow. I picked her up at 6:15 and we didn't get home till about 2AM. It was a freaking fantastic date. I picked her up but left her with a small bouquet of roses in a nice vase all pre-made at the store. She mentioned she likes vodka so I tweaked the arrangement and snuck in two little tiny vodka Stoly bottles in it just to be cute. I tried to hide it in there but she saw it and made her smile.
We first had dinner, then to a comedy club, then out to my bar that I play darts at. Chatted for awhile then played darts at the same place the rest of the night. I still ate healthy because I still had to do my final weigh in and I did good. It was convenient too since the Comedy club was in the same strip mall so we walked over before the show started.
The show itself was great. Shawn Wayans was the main comic. The famous actor!! We laughed all throughout the show. Even the comic before him was pretty funny. It was a lady and she was a lesbian and she opened our eyes about life as a lesbian and made fun of herself in her situation.
After the show, it was still kind of early so we hit my bar that I play darts at. Only the bar moved to a bigger location so it was actually the first time I've been there. Much better location. We played darts and drank. I was driving so I had to baby my one glass of wine but that's ok. I was intoxicated by the beautiful woman next to me anyway. As the games went on, we or mostly me did little innocent touches on her shoulder or leg. Just playing around stuff. When I'd win a game, I'd give her a "good game" hug. Still, it felt like puppy love. I know I know, it's just innocent stuff and you know what? that's more than fine with me. I already have a lot of women friends that are in the friend zone and their hugs although heartfelt and sincere, it's a different kind of affection. We didn't realize this but we closed the place down apparently when we heard "last call".
Driving home, she was snuggled under her throw cover or whatever you call it. I glanced over to look at her because she looked so cute sitting there. Like a little kitten under a blanket. She started talking about her life in general. She is a single parent so it's never easy. Told me about herself, her personality, her belief in her friends and family. She really opened up. She is one cool lady. I sank deeper into feeling for her dang it.
So when we finally get to her place, I parked and told her I'd walk her to her door. So corny but that's what a man's gotta do right? I walk her to the door, we do some small chit-chat and she hugs me good and long. Freaking made me melt. When she released her hug, I sort of still held her and went for a kiss. She reciprocated. Her lips we so so soft. I melted. Not to be a pervert or anything but somehow our tongues touched and of fuck was it so fantastic. She tasted like the rum and coke she was drinking. lol. Loved every minute of it. I walked back to my car and heard her yell back and she said Goodnight and we waved. I know it was just a first date but it was one of my best first dates ever. I can't think of any other better than this one.
So today, I don't even know what to do. You know the part where we let it simmer, don't call so soon and all that crap? Well, it's been so long that I've been in the game that I have no freaking clue on how to proceed post first date. haha. I just know that I'm on cloud 9 right now. I feel alive again and feel like I felt in High school puppy love type feeling. Now I'm not saying this person is the one. Not at all. I still live in the real world. The thing I just enjoy is that I'm feeling this again. I thought I was so jaded with all the bullshit in life that I had to deal with, I didn't think I was mentally able to feel this way again. I guess my soul is still in me fighting to find real peace and maybe love. Maybe.
Today, because this lady is one of my Facebook Friends, we exchanged messages. Small stuff. Nothing serious. She was out wine tasting with friends. I was out at the final weigh in. It was an important day for me. Sort of like graduation from gym. haha. However, I just can't shake her out of my mind. Then that's when I got scared. You know, the doubt whether she like me or not. Will I get a dear John letter even before I'm a dear John. I forgot that I'm flying so high now that I didn't realize what would happen if I fell down. It would crush me. Now I don't cry much anymore because I'm already so jaded and I'm not a pussy but the thought of getting or hearing that message would break me. I weep a little because this is what usually happens to me. The letdown would fuck me up. I don't know why I'm feeling this but I'm already damaged goods and my net is not so strong anymore. You can only use it so many times you know? This is my fear. Yet, I can't make a turn because if you don't play, you can't win. I prayed to God. I just prayed that I don't screw this up. I'm really liking this person and I don't have much left in the tank to keep dusting myself off and getting up again. So yeah, I'm scared.