Bottled Up Feelings

caution
2017-09-12 16:30:41 (UTC)

That Day

There's always one day that breaks you. One day that makes you stop and wonder what your life has become. Every girl will understand probably more than I want them to, and I congratulate you for powering through when you do. Friends are apparently the most amazing thing in the world. They are meant to be what makes you a person, defines you and helps you through your problems. What people don't tell you is what to do if you're friends are the problem.

My two best friends... well probably my two only friends that actually know me have left me. I met Megan in year 9 and we clicked so well. It was one of those friendships where just everything worked. But obviously it didn't otherwise I wouldn't have resulted myself into typing into some artificial diary. I later also became friends with Tom, who at first was reluctant to meet Megan, and Megan sure as hell didn't want to know Tom. I felt a gap between these friends and planned group stuff for us to do. It wasn't long before we were all close and like one of those cheesy groups of 3 in those best friend films.

I'm not sure what happened after that. I thought we were all still so close. But suddenly 3 years down the line I see that they're suddenly hanging out just the two of them, which isn't a crime I know. It was the way it hit me. Suddenly I was last thought. They were constantly messaging each other when I was around, making me want to do that shrivel up into a hole and stop existing thing. I would make plans with one to try and salvage that me and them friendship, but then they would invite the other person and once again have me trailing behind them. One may ask me if I'm free but then say how they planned to meet the other and we had to wait making me realise I was just a last minute thought. They leave my plans if they want to do something else with each other. And before you ask no its not just a crush thing because Megan is a lesbian (which I am supportive of that isn't an issue).

I think they understand something is wrong with me as I'm a fucking shit liar and can't keep the anger away when they sit and laugh and discuss how they're gonna move to the other side of the country for uni. They think they can help me feel better by asking, but then tell me how they're with the other person. Ive gone from friends to another set of parents and I sure as shit don't want or need another pair.

To sum up? This is me entering the diary world. Hi, how are you?




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