Pretty4AFatGirl

Fat Girl Problems
2017-09-02 04:44:51 (UTC)

His B-Day

So his birthday was tonight..or last night whatever.. ughhhh
I would give anything to have spent his birthday with him in person.. but he did spend a good bit of today online with me. So.. there's that.. sometimes I wonder is he confused.. sometimes I wonder.. could he feel ANYTHING for me.. is there a war in his head. But that's me being too hopeful..idk..
Anywayssssss so today was his birthday.. & last night.. I tried to run my car off a cliff.. I didn't do it bc it was his bday.. I did it bc I am alone.. this life is so wasted on me. I am bout to be 30.. and nothing to show for it.. I haven't been kissed.. I haven't been loved... idk.. I fucked up.. but I didn't kill myself.. I'm still here.. I'm still a coward.. I came home.. for "A"... always for "A".. I know he thinks he hurts me a lot and yes he has had his moments..but he's also saved me.. without even trying.. he saves me everyday..even tho I know I make him hate me a lot...

so I accidentally told him about it & he proceeds to tell me that on his bday she decides to say she wants a divorce...and he makes up an excuse of 'it's fake' blah blah.. no..it's maniupulative... this girl is so used to getting her way that she plays these cards and says things to hurt him... on his fucking birthday! If he had just came here and been with me on his birthday..it would've went a lot different! lol..yeah that was the whore in me but still... I would have given anything to have been with him on his birthday & yet again she takes it for granted. And he blows it off.. she told him to get out a couple weeks ago.. instead of supporting your husband you nag him all the time constantly & bitch I'm sure.. it's fake to me.. how can you say these things to the person youre supposed to be in love with?! it's not a joke..MARRIAGE is not a joke & neither is divorce.. and ugh He frustrates me bc the man I see him as..wouldn't put up with that..the man he presents to me... would have already walked.. like he mentioned before... but I am the supportive best friend.. and I will continue to be..and I know he thinks I don't listen to him or I interrupt but I try to share what I know or whatever bc I am afraid to say things to him and him think I am judging HIM..im not.. I don't want to make him angry if I say the wrong thing.. I don't wanna ask too much bc he doesn't share too much & him stop...

but if he hasn't seen her true colors by now...idk if he ever will.. bc for me, "A" is very very smart.. but this.. this makes no logical sense to me at all.. this isnt' love.. and it breaks my heart for him...




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