✯Sincerely, Me✯

☯LivingWithMyself☯
2017-09-04 04:44:02 (UTC)

Alone Again

Dear Reader,

Nick, and started arguing on Friday, and I took some time, and messaged him after two days.

He didn't even seem to care I was gone, or even that he had really upset me.

He didn't apologize either.

I really needed to Skype and talk to him about it, and something else..but he wouldn't even skype. He wasn't mad or anything.. in fact he's not even thinking about me.

It turns out, he has a new best friend.
And yeah.. fine, I'm not upset he has another best friend.. I'm upset that even though he says he views us the same.. I know better. I read his diary, and he has only been writing about her avoiding him, and he's so worried he's losing her.. he even refers to her as his best friend. Like his only best friend. At the end of his last entry he said "I sort of need her."

Isn't this just interesting how he used to be obsessed with being the number one person in my life, and jealous of anyone else that was my friend or if I had sex with..

He hasn't written about the argument, or about how I left...
And he really said it didn't bother him at all.

He hasn't messaged me all day, but he wrote the entry about his other friend.


And yes, I realize this makes me sound like a crazy, obsessive, jealous person..
And I guess I am.

I opened up to him, and he threw it in my face.

Dealing with the loss of J, and the break-up with Josh has actually been okay because Nick was there for me..
I was feeling so much closer with Nick.. and like our previous issues we had awhile back were behind us...

And now with what happened Friday.. I just have no idea anymore. I find myself feeling the exact same way when Josh and I fought about my problems those few times..
Instantly shutting back in, immediately losing any desire to reopen up to him.. feel as though I can't trust him anymore.. can't bring myself to talk to him about feeling this way either.

I haven't messaged him today either... usually it's the first thing I do, but now I just don't even want to talk to him.


I honestly feel like I don't matter anymore.
I'm not important to anyone..
Nobody loves me.

Josh is gone, and probably hates me.
J passed away..
and now Nick.. doesn't even care anymore.


Sincerely,
Nobody




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