All that is
I'm pretty convinced that i'll not have a black boyfriend. How is it that the only bf i've ever had has been white? Is there something particular about the way that het black men perceive beauty in women that means that they've all seen and faulted the same thing in me? And when i say thing that also pertains to behaviour. What is it about me? I mean cm was the only bf and he was white. and it can be argued that it's cos the way i presented myself was informed by a white gaze (more so then than now, but still)? And if so then could that be the reason that black guys don't see me and think 'rah i wanna date u?' cos i'm startint o think it is man. how is it that spe, raji, le, and practically every black dude i've liked have been attracted then bounced. but then if my presetation is informed by whiteness, half these baclk dudes are coon as niggas anywho so why would that scare them? or is it that that men only desire the characteristics of whiteness when its in a white body. and the characteriustics of blcak ness when its on a white body too. but then its probs just easier to say that black men don't like black women and that would capture it all.
Fuuuuuck another revelation. when youre having sex with someone that you're combative with, normally, somoeone that you'd normally hate. It's because usually you hate each other but in this moment you're both working together towards a common goal
you're both laying down your differences and coming together for the greater good of pleasure. That for me is the epitome of team work.
Break up sex: usually you hate eachother but in this moment you're both working together towards a common goal