All that is
sex and vulnerability
All in the name of sex.
The experience of the sexual and the spiritual together is so transcendental that it changes your experience of being alive.
Lee said something to me yesterday. he said it in passing as part of a convo - something along the lines of 'the freedom in sex - that many people don't know how to be free - they can't 'go there' without bring emotion into it' He described it as though it was transcendental - and the take away was that if you're inclined to become emotionally attached after sex, then you're not being free enough. But that's a very singular interpretation of sexual freedom, no? And i'd say even a slightly self-serving one too? sexual freedom for me is not necesarily the ability to have sex with no emotion - for me there is always emotion involved. That can be a positive emotion, in the sense that it takes up room - i.e. wanting more with the person, or it can be a negative emotion, as in negative space - a feeling of indifference. either way, there's still something there. When he said it, i remember feeling regret at the fact that I couldn't say the same, and slightly inadequate at not being able to see myself in this mirror which he held up. But now I think actually, no. I feel like the best sex is one where the sexual and the spiritual are experienced in such a way that it transcends the physical and I'd go as far as saying that when this happens it even changes your experience of being alive. This happens almost by accident, you stumble upon it. I don't believe it can be planned. That being said, I do believe there are certain ingredients that make this more easily accessible.
Sexual freedom for me is being able to lose control - that means being vulnerable to whatever may happen good or bad.. because when you lose control, whether or not you like it, 'emotions' will follow you. But what lee described as 'free' - the act of having sex without involving emotion, to me is not freedom because that requires you to abandon a part of you for fear that it might steer you in a different direction than you intended. and so you put it away. that's not freedom, that's restraint and repression. and possibly fear.
"a direct denial of the power of the erotic, for it represents the suppression of true feeling."
I just had a re-realisation of how freaky lee is. how sexy. The fact he looks at another guy the way he looks at me. that raw,, anuimalistic sexual way. and not just any guy. he only likes black guys. when i asked him about white guys he said with a mildly amused scoff, 'nah white guys don't turn me on like that' and that gave even more fire. the thought of him and a beared masculine looking black man, kissing is fucking insane.
he has no idea how turned on i was by his big reveal. i don't think he has any idea how turned on i was.
Where woud they start - would he do the chatting up? No the toher guy would do it. i remeeber lee saying he doesn't appraoch. so the guy would begin.
i love that way he alwas wereas his hat. like that ' i dno't want to be seen'
He said its the fact that it's just wrong' is what turns him on about. the idea that breaking this particular social taboo is the turn on in itself is pretty sexy to me.
i finanly get the meaning of 'with my mind's eye' - its another way of sayin with my imagination
when I imagine cool craxt things when i'm high, i have the need to write them down, as if i must have some kind of record of it. it's kinda the mind's equivalient of the urge to video/snap/instagram everything and 'post' everything that happens in our lives.
the note book
gynweth paltrow sex additc
bradely cooper film