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Desperate to Find Love
Why am I so desperate to find love? Is it because all my cousins around my age are getting married? I think I just really want someone to love me just the way I am. I've never felt beautiful or hot before and only one guy I've dated has called me pretty. I put myself out there, but no one wants me. When I start getting a crush, a few days later I find out they're either in a relationship or love being single. I've been in love before but it eventually went south.
The last one I dated, we had almost nothing in common. We were night and day, different political views, different views on child punishment, different views on gay rights, and I never told him I'm bisexual and we dated a year. I look back and wonder why I dated someone so pro gun, pro armed services (I'm against war) and so anti-gay and anti tattoo. It was like I was Janis Joplin and he was one of the Duck Dynasty guys. He would say to me about a gay person, "You know they're going to hell, right?" I just replied that God will decide. I know he genuinely loved me, but how? How could someone so conservative love someone so liberal and "hippie?" I've smoked pot before and enjoyed the heck out of it.
Trying to find someone more like me has been hard because I haven't been on a date in nearly seven years. I've tried online dating, but that went nowhere. I've tried book clubs, art classes, festivals, hoping to find someone, but no luck. What am I doing wrong? Why am I so desperate?
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