Day of Hell
Today I woke up thinking... I got this. However, I was tired, heart felt heavy and I never got a grasp of the morning. Ethan up all night.. AGAIN! NO time for just me.. just me and my bible. Just me to get a MOMENT of peace. None of it occurs in my days or my nights. Today I wanted to just go somewhere and cry all day. Zoe with her "broken" ankle, and Ethan with the diabetes, I am LOOSING MY MIND!!!!! While dad, all the while, LIES and sits at his house ACTING there is no one there to give him a ride over. Flipside to that is I don't want him here. It is a convenience and an inconvenience. My resentment towards him does NOT allow me to see any good in him. I see fake, I see lies, I see nothing "real"
I cried so much today. I THOUGHT I was on a strong foundation of my faith, with God.. apparently I fell off the wagon.. and I feel ashamed. I don't know how to get back. God loves me, I know. HOW do I let go of toxic ppl. One who is the father of my kids, One who is my sister/? I want so bad for a best friend, and real person to TRUST!!! I can't say I have any one like that in my life.. except of coarse Jesus.. He loves me, will never forsake me. And yet I forsaked him. I had a very bad day... tomorrow is a new day. I will leave this at the cross, and ask God for forgiveness... tomorrow will be a better day.