✯Sincerely, Me✯
☯LivingWithMyself☯
Over And Over
Dear Reader,
I'm currently sitting at the kitchen table, taking a break from working on the house, and wanting to just go to my room and cry.
I just feel like garbage..
So, I just came to my room. Even though I want to, I can't.. My eyes will be too red...
I Just want to shut everything off... Press pause... I just want everything to stop.
I miss him... but he probably doesn't care, or miss me..
I honestly feel like I'm just repeating myself in these entries, but it's the same things over and over.
I try talking about it with Nick.. but he's glad I did it.
And the only other person I could talk to about it... is gone now.
So I'm turning back to this website.. usually where I end up when I have no one else.
I think about Josh everyday.. our last conversation where I broke up with him plays over and over him my head... and I think I did it the best way I could have done it..
but I just wish I had've gotten to see him one more time.. or heard him speak one more time..
Something that I thought of last night made me wonder if there was something else I could have done so I wouldn't have lost him.
I wonder if he would have been okay with an open relationship.. I remember we talked about it in the beginning, but I'm not sure how he really felt about it.
I'm polyamorous.. I can't deny that anymore. Monogamy just doesn't work for me..
I don't know if he would have been down with it.. because he was super supportive in the beginning.. I think because it was the honeymoon phase.. I think towards the end, he would have been upset if I had've asked him.
I just need to let it go.. it's over.. there's no going back. He's done with me, he's moving on without me.. And as much as it sucks.. there's nothing that I can do about it.
I just don't know how to let it go.. I don't know how to besides forget..
And I don't want to forget. I don't want it to be over.
Sincerely,
Me
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