BrainsWithoutBeauty

Journal
2017-07-30 22:39:23 (UTC)

huh

The only two colors I ever heard talked about are crimson and purple. Of course, they used to call people their rainbow people. I think that means the LGBT community but it may also mean Rainbow Coalition or what the fuck ever it's called, which is a bunch of pot smoking hippies who have gatherings and that's about all I know. Who knows? There are so many people around doing God knows what that how the hell at this point in time are we all supposed to be safe? Seriously, there are other countries involved, or at least, people from other countries. WTF?

Let me reiterate.
I am not the problem.
I get used and asked questions about shit I don't even know or understand.
I don't even remember all of it. Why the fuck am I asked questions? Just because I am gifted doesn't mean I know everything or anything and I am not in what the fuck ever it is. I wasn't hired. I don't rep a color. I don't commit crimes. I don't understand any of that shit or point of view. Why do they ask me shit? I know they couldn't hire me and I wasn't even tempted, but who the fuck are they? Plus, they still steal my words and will never stop. Some people do it in person! OY VEY! OY GEVALT. I'm not feeling sorry for myself but if I continue to have circumstances, I will die. It will be murder, but that's irrelevant. I am dying. I can't believe sometimes that I can tie my shoes, much less function. I really don't function well. I have motor ataxia, neuropathy and a jillion other crap plus CNS malfunction or damage. My poor brain is like a huge mass of white and gray jello, not white and gray matter.
Fuck the executioner. He told me that I was to "play" or be the heroine. This is not a motherfucking movie. Who the fuck am I supposed to save? I cannot save myself. What the shit does all that mean? Gah. I should stop writing. I'm just babbling. I don't get it. Who are some of these people?
Maybe if I had the right last name or
resources
or a functioning brain
or had experience in wtf ever
instead of as a victim.

I DON"T KNOW.

I could just scream at people from pain, frustration and helplessness. If so many people talk and think they know everything, then why aren't they helping and why is St Louis and the metro area such a fucked up crazy mess of terror or suiciding or lies or truth or whatever is going on at any given second? Seriously, is everyone just going to act like they don't hear shit for the rest of my life or their lives. I know it's hearsay and there are lies and truth, but wtf ?
My area of town has ousted me from NextDoor as I posted the truth and they jumped all over my case, some of them. WTF? I guess that dude who posted months ago or last year, was right. There are people in our area who don't want us to be safe.

I don't know what the fuck. Now someone is talking about sensitive and other shit. Great. So everyone thinks they know so much more than anyone else and wants to discuss it endlessly? No one talks TO me. No one asks ME. I know I'm just a stupid victim, but doesn't that count for something in my own fucking life and all these people talk about me AROUND me, not to me. The fucking passive aggressiveness alone of it sucks. Yes, there are cameras. No, I'm not paranoid. Yes, there are microphones. No, I'm not crazy. Yes, they exploit me. No, I'm not the only one. WHY would I be? Jesus H. Christ on a pogo stick!

Nevermind.

Peace be with you.
Take care of each other, we're all we've got. I mean strangers, too.




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