✯Sincerely, Me✯

☯LivingWithMyself☯
2017-07-30 08:25:12 (UTC)

This Was Why

Dear Reader,

R finally got a new laptop, and gave me his old one.

So, here I am at 4:26 am, awake.

And I miss Josh.

Staring at the screen this early in the morning just made me remember when we used to Skype this early. I wish he knew just how much I miss it.

Like I said in my last entry.. he probably hates me. He probably never wants to see me or talk to me again. I want to message him.. but I know it would be awkward.. he probably wouldn't respond. He hasn't said anything since.. I wish he'd tell me goodbye at least.. but it's okay.

Well it's not okay.. none of this is okay.. he's gone, and he's gone because of me.. but I'm sure he's better off.

I remember staying up late on Skype, the light from the laptop would light up his face, and his green eyes..
We would talk for hours.. and make love.. and for once I thought finally I found someone who could actually spend time with me.. finally someone who I can talk to.. he was different.

That was probably one of the happiest times of my life.. and it all ended in one day..

Even though I tried so hard to keep it together, I knew when my laptop croaked, It was over.

And I was right.. everything from there just changed...

I remember Skyping with him, and he looked at me, and said
"Have you been crying baby?"
I looked away and nodded. He asked why, and I think I told him I didn't know.

But this was why. Because I knew this would happen.

It hurts so much. My eyelids will be swollen tomorrow from crying so much.

I want it all back, but I know I can't have it... It's over.. it's all gone..

I'm a piece of shit girlfriend, and I was stupid to think I could be any different.

Sincerely,
Lost




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