Ranmat

The Last Hours
2017-07-27 14:17:12 (UTC)

I wanted to reward myself from my ..

I wanted to reward myself from my interview at AG. That was some days of preparing.

My plans was to get back into my routine now that we are back in LA. I wanted to hear some reggae. It's Tuesday. Pum Pum Tuesdays in Hollywood. Didn't want to go alone. Called Raheem. He is always down. We were just going to chill. That's it.

I'm so disappointed in myself. So embarrassed. I can't even write it to myself it's so bad. I can't believe that happened. I didn't want that to happen. I wasn't planning for that.
But now it is official. I think I should stop drinking completely. I can't even remember that last time I got drunk. I don't even drink to get drunk. I didn't realize I was drunk. Like I get drunk maybe every 4 years. I just don't go there. It's not fun and it's stupid. But yet last night. I'm so thankful to have gotten home in one peace. Well. Alive.

But drinking impairs decisions. I'm getting too old and it's not my goal. After last night I just can't. I'm so hurt. I keep saying omg omg omg.
Where did that come from. Too much alcohol. That's where. And I have to block Raheem. He is not good association at the end of the day. Our 20 years of friendship and understanding needs to terminate.
That was rape.

I'm so sorry.




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