This life
2017-07-01 05:03:31 (UTC)

Can't Sleep

Work totally sucked last night. Mom confirmed she is leaving no matter what and is leaving mid to late August. I told her we were going to sell the house because we only kept it for her anyway. She said go ahead and sell it. Blake said he is moving out. Doesn't like basement dust and mold and Cam snoring and playing video games all night. Doesn't like being responsible for chores around the house because he has other priorities. Well for two people who don't pay rent, don't help with utilities and use the washer and dryer whenever they feel like it, I'd say I'm making out on the deal. Mom hasn't had to work in the last 20 years and we've given her every car she's had in that time. We've done the maintenance (my husband has) and maintained the house she lives in. He put in hardwood floors last year and a new roof this past winter. We've paid the mortgage for both houses since the beginning and she hasn't had to worry about anything but her tv, electric and heat. I even pay for her wifi and phone. AND I DON'T MAKE SHIT FOR MONEY!!!!!! I'M WORKING THREE JOBS TRYING TO KEEP UP!! Why am I so mad?

I should be grateful for the break. if they want to leave, let them. They don't know how good it is until its gone. And there is no coming back.

Honestly, I never thought it would come to this. I didn't realize how selfish and petty people can be. My heart is breaking, but there is nothing I can do about it. I can't send dad to FL. Jenn would not be nice to him. And he doesn't deserve to be put away in a home. I'm doing the right thing by keeping him out of a home and taking care of him. He doesn't have but maybe 10 yrs left in him. Between the Parkinson's and the toll working has taken on his body, he's a mess. I've taken care of mom for 10 yrs and she is ungrateful and willing to throw it all away because she can't let go of some divorce shit from 35 years ago. I hate to say it, but I've lost my mom. By trying to do the right thing and take care of my dad, I've lost my mom. Is it my fault? Should I have let my sister be in charge of my dad and just focused on my mom? Somehow that doesn't feel right.

God help me. I know I'm doing the right thing, but please help me get through it without any bitterness. Toward my mom or my son..