Mimi

All that is
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2017-06-30 16:03:59 (UTC)

Thick lips pt3

I've never felt more like a troll than I do right now. And I don't mean troll as in internet troll. I mean shrek troll, lord of the rings ork troll - like an awkward, ugly, unnecessarily large stain.
"Awkward" is the word he kept using. And once he used it, I felt like it stuck. Like no matter what I did, or how relaxed i tried to be, everything i did and was doing was awkward. Although I wonder whether that was more to do with him than with me? I found him awkward too, but he refused to agree. I felt like he was uncomfortable at times or like he didn't want to be there. I felt like I was constantly searching for things to talk about or like there were these long silences where he wouldn't say anyhing. Especially after I'd finishsed talking and it was 'his turn' kinda thing. His name is sdq. We first met at lou's party a couple of months ago. He was one of the more gorgeous ones at the party. He was trying it on with me but I came with tayo that night, so it wouldn't have been cute. to either of them. So that was that and he was out of my periphery. But last week, by sheer co-incidence i bumped into him on campus. We talked, there were vibes, I was feeling him heavy and thought ok lemme go for it. I arrange to do a photoshoot with him Tuesday - he cancels and asks what other evenings I'm free - I tell him thursday. We shoot for thursday. But then I say to him - the weather isn't sunny so let's meet for a drink instead and postpone the shoot for another time. After some silence, i get a call from him - expecting him to cancel. But he says where are we meeting. Long and short we meet at a place in soho. It begins a little bit haphazardly - and awkwardly i guess probs on my part because I was so flustered then after that it just feels like a series of attempts to have a conversation that go awkwardly...


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