This life
2017-06-30 10:15:37 (UTC)


So much has been going on I haven't written because it changes so fast.
Dad moved up from Fl. Lives with mom is a three/four bedroom house that she lives in alone. She can't stand being around him so now she is punishing me by saying I can "Have my daddy" she's moving to Tennessee with her sisters. So instead of letting me take care of her like I promised her, she is making the decision to leave and it makes me cry that I have to lose one parent for the other.

Dad is in no shape to live alone. He was living alone in FL and I told him he needs to live with me but he chose to live with my sister in Fl who then ended up screaming at him and telling him she was going to put him away in a home. THAT WAS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! So he came up here. He has Parkinson's Disease and is declining rapidly. He's only 70 but moves around like he's 90. I don't suspect he has another 10 years to live.

So now Dad is moving in to our small one bedroom house with a finished basement. My two adult sons live in the basement and we are converting the dining room into a bedroom for Dad. So there will be 5 adults in my small house. With only one bathroom. And three dogs. And my dog doesn't like other dogs so she is miserable and barks and growls and wants to fight all the time. Plus my son's dog got a new flea collar and has been throwing up all over the house until we figured out it was the collar making him sick. What a mess cleaning that up every day.

And that is just the family drama.

Work wants me exposed to more accesses and different work paces so I now work one day a week from 11 to 4:30. Mind you I get out of work at 3:15 am the night before and get home around 4:00am and have to get up around 9:00 to get ready to go work by 11:00. Five hours is not enough sleep. It's miserable. Plus I work at night with a guy who doesn't like me and reports everything I do wrong to the boss,

PLUS, I'm studying for my CCHT exam for July 15th which if I fail, I lose my job. NO certification, no job. I'm studying like crazy with all this shit going on and it's so hard to concentrate,

I've lost more weight and I think my metabolism has changed cuz my bipolar meds aren't keeping me in check anymore. I'm depressed, I have serious anxiety and I'm even running a bit paranoid which hasn't happened in a long time. I went to my shrink yesterday and she adjusted my meds because I've been on the same dosages for years and maybe it's time for an update because normally I can handle stress pretty well. But not lately.

I'm tired. I'm pissed, I'm worried it's affecting my marriage, I'm beyond my limits. But I can't show it to anyone. I have to be the stable one keeping every thing together. I'm at the center of all this mess. I can't wait till it's over.