Pan

Azul
2017-06-28 15:39:55 (UTC)

My Philosophy

For this whole summer all I have been doing is working at the library here on campus. A few times I have done something like go on a bike ride and I make sure to exercise every day but I still feel like I am not be productive enough. Maybe it's just me. Maybe my problem is that I am not around enough people as I should be. As an introvert this shouldn't be surprising. I really do not enjoy being around too many people. Yet I am still human. I still want to interact with others on an emotional level. I just cannot seem to find the right kind of people to do that with. I think I am lonely and maybe even a little depressed. I am just glad I am not as depressed as I was last semester. It seemed like everything was spiraling downhill and my confidence was gradually decreasing. I even had morbid thoughts going through my mind about hurting myself. I was terrified. But at this current moment I am happy to say I have no such thoughts. How do I find people who I could relate to. Or at least people who would not be so judgmental of my weaknesses. I now understand why some people just keep to themselves. Despite being an introvert, I love meeting new people and love going on new adventures no matter how close to home they are. I just sometimes need space and silence as well. I sometimes observe those around me and wonder about their lives. Who they are as a person and the trials that they have gone through to get to where they are. But I never try to interact with them. I only imagine who they are. My reality is probably different from theirs. I could paint a whole picture of a person from my own perspective and others would gather vastly different assumptions from mine just by looking at the painting. It amazing. We make our own reality. If I don't believe in something it doesn't have to mean that it isn't real to someone else. It just isn't real to me. But if I believe in something else wholeheartedly maybe it will actually come true. But this is only my own philosophy. I am after all a dreamer. I can only hope that things will turn out the way I want to. Of course that is not always the case, but I know if I was just a bit more patient and maybe even became more confident in myself then maybe I can have the ability to reach my dreams. People who have gone through so much have often said that it is impossible for us to be able to do anything that we set our mind to. That we can't have that dream job that we love while making good pay or we cannot find that soulmate who will not only set our hearts aflame, but will also inspire us. I know I sound crazy, but I don't want to give up on the possibilities. Some would probably just say that I am still young and ignorant and that may be true, but I am also stubborn. I won't give up on my beliefs so easily. And I hope that whoever is reading this will also stand firm and try and have faith that you can do it.




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