alizzle

Salazar's
2017-06-05 22:08:45 (UTC)

Not Enough

I have never been this confusing before.
I always wanted a stable relationship with nothing to worry about. When I was younger I didn't really have that. I had flings and short termed relationships that don't mean anything to me now. My first real boyfriend didn't come along until I was finishing my eighth grade year. I say first real boyfriend because I gave him everything. I'm not just talking about my virginity, because don't get me wrong, that meant a lot to me. But I mean I gave him my trust, my love, my loyalty, my everything. I had dealt with childish guys playing games, for once I thought I wasn't going to be taken as a joke. I know it sounds silly. I was in eighth grade. Why was I even thinking about a long term relationship. Well things didn't work out, we dated for about 9 months on and off. He ended up cheating on me at first, then I gave him a second chance and then HE broke up with ME because I was too much of the jealous type. It took me forever to get over him. Well it felt like forever. I thought about him constantly and I missed him terribly. To be honest I don't even remember when I officially forgot about him. I mean we never do. We pay deep attention to those who hurt us and what they do in order to hurt us but we disregard the good things in life. Getting over him was a good thing for me. A couple months I started dating this girl. I know right? But I was really close friends with this girl named Beatrice. She was a lesbian and a couple years older than me. She's actually the one who introduced me to the girl I started talking to. Her name was Alya. Apparently Alya had seen Beatrice and I hanging out and she had to know who I was. I had dated a girl in the past. Keep in mind that I was a freshman at this point. I dated a girl in sixth grade who taught me a lot about sexuality. I experimented with her and I learned a lot with her. We stayed friends after and things were never awkward. I had thought I outgrew that bicurious part of me but apparently I hadn't. A huge part of me thought I actually liked Alya, but come to think of it now I know that I was pressured and influenced by my lesbian friend who really wanted me to get with her best friend. So I kept talking to Alya. I was only a freshman, Alya was a junior. I didn't know much people from the school, especially the high school drama that was happening. Apparently Alya was already with someone. A girl named Anabelle. One day Alya, Beatrice, and I went to the park to hang out, and Beatrice got the bright idea to capture a moment when Alya was making me laugh. She posted it on Instagram and that's how Anabelle found out that her girlfriend was hanging out with some other girl. She was not happy about it so Alya, not caring at all, she broke up with her. I became the most hated little freshman for the next few months. I learned a lot from that relationship. First, I realized that I wasn't really into dating girls long term. Yeah boobs are fun to play with, ass is fun to smack. But honestly, something serious for me will be with a guy. But I became a tougher person going through.




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