Priscilla

Pris
2017-06-02 14:15:52 (UTC)

The Sun & Clouds In My Life

This past few weeks have been kinda stressful, I've just been studying a lot and going to the gym every day, but I feel really good. I just haven't been thinking about the negative things in my life and I've just been trying to keep my shit together 'cause sometimes I notice that others see me always in a good mood and laughing and communicative with everyone, and people thing that I have It all together but 90% of the times I don't. I'm just that good at pretending 'cause it's so much easier to fake a smile and pretend everything is OK than to explain why is not!
But now I just feel really good. I haven't been talking to my father in over a month, the fact that he got married and didn't even invite me was kinda the breaking point for me. It's still a little bit sad for me not to talk to him because we used to be so closed to each other, we had a bond so strong (at least that's what I though for so many years) but also because of my little brothers, they're about to turn 3 and I don't get to be there for them. It makes sad but I'll get over it, and I can honestly say that It was the best decision I have ever made in my life. I just feel so much better ever since we stopped talkin'!


This past month I feel like I have distanced myself from my boyfriend a little bit. Sometimes he makes me feel sad 'cause he's always tellin' me that he doesn't have much time (his father was in the hospital) but then he goes out with his friends (and here I am crying again over this) so I've just been trying not to make that a big deal 'cause I know that he has friends and needs to be with them and have fun but at the same time I just feel left behind 'cause he goes out and have fun and I just stay here in my house doing nothing and he never does anything fun with me and I just feel like he doesn't care because we can be 4/5 days without seeing each other and for him it's OK but god forbid if he doesn't see his friends for over a week.
All I wanted from him was a little bit more of attention. I'm not sayin' we need to talk every single hour or see each other every day, but at least make an effort! He's always makin' stuff with his friends and giving ideas, why can't he do that for us?
I just don't know anymore, I miss him so much and all he cares about is that he hasn't seen his friends for 3 weeks!

And once again I finish an entrance on the diary crying. Oh god I'm just so fuckin' stupid.

I just need to get it together and discover the sun that hides behind the clouds of my life!




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