Ranmat

The Last Hours
2017-06-01 02:37:57 (UTC)

Broken Promise

Weed helps me assess. Thoroughly because i'm relaxed or focused enough to do so. How do i get THIS relax without it? I have had peace. But peace and relaxed although similar, are very different.

I hate it though.

Why do i need weed to assess. I assess well without it for months......but when i'm overly stressed although I have made neccesary precautions, being overly pressured........ with no human support system...... I break.

How come im not giving Him my problems and asking HIM to help me access and listen to his reasonings?

Then, its hard on my throat... no matter the grade.
I dont keep any pipes in the house. I hate papers.

Truly I rather make recipes with the butter, but the high lasts way too long for me and something its I'll eat it when I dont need to. Want to.

PHLEGM
instant phlegm
a vital signs its not for me to partake of if I can tell a significant difference in my breathing.

I have to hide it..... hate having to hide.

Its a submitting to something to interfer the interferences in order to suddenly stop and force myelf to be still enough to relate. Even though this Super Interference is Super negative in how i'm trying to ..... choosing to live my life. My course. its something how habits........ especially those for 20 years keep coming ,... creeping back when you usually strong enough to be OKAY without it.

So i have to stop myself. Like its an awakening in that I allow smoking pot to stop myself from going further into that Monster Girl that gets into so much trouble. And even after she has...... gotten into so much trouble........... and it didnt even end up being worth it..........

I'm not making excuses......... I'm analyzing the relationship with......... so that i can work on strengthening a weak spot. This is what i have to do.... for me.

Plus stupid, your not working right now... and you need a freaking job and to get one, your going to have a drug test........

Well, I've calculated, I have been smoking for 6 days now. Its might as well say June 1st. I wont be able to really work until August 16th.... so that gives me more than 2 months to get out of my system. I'm sure i'll have to temp a bit first even.......
But that isn't even the point. I promised. I'm failing on my promise.

I need to catch up on my studying. I'm behind schedule. There are 21 chapters. Today I'm starting chapter 11. There about 40 pages in each chapter and that takes me two days. SO.......... I was trying to finish the book before Jonah got out of school.... Failed that one. 11 more chapters. x 2 that's 22 days. That would be June 22, which means I would have already been in AZ a week. Which DUTY doesn't start until the week after, so if I do meet this deadline, it would have started before i'm helping out with the kids. If I don't meet the 22nd,..... it puts me back testing time......... Oh... and I need $300 for the test. Once finished the book, I'll note the def's and points of each chapter, make sure I can explain them........ video up and start doing the test predarations, then time when I'm able to pass the tests. It will be good as this is the same time I should be interviewing. So at the latest, when will I take this test. August 30th sounds reasonable????


OK.....

Let's push through.




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