nerd™

the anger games
2017-05-23 01:27:07 (UTC)

Day 91. Random shit. I guess..

Hello diary,
It's been a while. I don't think you've missed much though. My days have been all alike.
Finished my practical finals last week.
I have this week off then finals are next week.
I was supposed to spend this week preparing for all the shit I missed but I am just wasting time as usual.

Ramadan is also next week. It's gonna be a disaster, going to uni in Ramadan.
I had hoped that dad will drive me there instead of taking the bus but oh well..
He's too gone by now.
Sometimes I wonder about his grave you know.. I picture him lying down in that tiny hole with his eyes closed. His white beard getting dirty. His face slowly melting away. Until he is just dust and bones. Bugs eating at his flush.
Sometimes I think about them too. What if one day when I finally pick up the courage to go visit him, one of those bugs lands on my sleeve? A bug that ate dad.
I don't know how or why I think about this shit I am a fucking moron

On another note, my aunt invited herself and her kids and their wives to eat with us the first day of Ramadan
It's so fuckin annoying. Isn't it enough that this will be our first Ramadan without dad?! Do we really have to deal with those people???

I hate people man. I hate everyone
I can't imagine ever having someone other than my family to care about honestly sometimes I don't even care about my family
It's like I don't have enough emotions in me I swear to God
I can't imagine having a "best friend " that I tell random stuff and just talk to. I mean, I do have 2 friends but I don't really like them u know? I usually ignore there texts because it's too awkward. I never tell them about anything really. I just listen to what they wanna say and fake interest.
And also I can't ever imagine getting married????? I can't imagine sleeping next to someone??? I can't sleep next to anyone. I slept next to my sister for a couple of days and it was a nightmare. I didn't sleep at all
I just hate people so fuckin much!!

I don't know why am I typing this honestly
I am sorry diary.

Oh and one last thing. About Di. She deactivated her facebook. I got worried. I texted her. She replied like more than a week later with "I'm fine". And I realised it was really stupid of me to text her in the forest place because we both know I will withdraw myself away from her again and it will be pointless. I can't keep talking to her whenever I feel like it then ignore her the rest of the time. It's really not fair. She deserves much better than this. Much better than me.
Maybe one day. After a while, I don't know maybe a month? 2? A year?
Maybe we will both want what we had and try again. But right now. We both have too much to handle on our own..
And if we don't... Well... I will never forget her. One day I will tell stories about her.. That if I find someone who I can tell my stories
God dammit we're back at the start again

It's 1:30 am. I should sleep. I am supposed to start preparing for the anatomy final from tomorrow.
Please note the the word "supposed"




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