All that is
I can't stop thinking about him. The ..
I can't stop thinking about him. The last thing he said was:
I'm mad busy for a bit though
But we definitely will
In that order. This was in response to my asking:
Are you up for it?
Which was in response to his stating:
I'm curious about this tottenham court road place you were on about last night..
Obviously I took that to mean he was interested in going at some point and wanted to throw it out there.
So I say "yea it's a burger place that's open 24 hours blah blah" At this point, I even feel as though I'm pushing it, in terms of making him think i'm uninterested, so I follow it up with 'up for it?' To which he responds with 'Yea sure...mad busy...definitely will.'
Now I'm thinking 'huh?' And I think of what he could be 'mad busy' with. He is an actor after all, and a rising one at that so he's working a lot at the moment. So I breathe a sigh of acceptance but of course there's that unsettled feeling that's been gnawing at me for days now. "busy for a bit' How fucking long is a bit? A bit sounds like weeks to me. If he'd just give a date, then we'd be alright - i just don't like the not knowing.
Then check this, I run into fum the other day at an event on tuesday. She tells me that her friend who i'd met briefly earlier was in love (she didn't say in love, but this is how she made it sound) with this guy. then she says his name. spe. I'm thinking 'wtf.' that's my guy from the other night. then i also think well, it's a yoruba name it could be anyone. then she says 'he's an actor' and i think 'uuggghhh ffs'. Obvsiouly I'm secretly also excited by this because of the newly discovered possibility for information and questions to be answered - how do they know each other? why does she like him so much? Did he like her back??
After some low-key questioning, I managed to gather that he has an on-off gf, (she's oyibo ffs), he's flirting with this girl who obvioulsy really likes him, and fum was interviewing him that coming friday (which made me slightly jealous admittedly, but hey)
Anywho, that was a week ago. Then on Friday I met up with Chip and she also went off on one about spe. I was like 'dayum what's goin on??' that's wen i realised 'ok, this dude is bigger than i thought, and perhaps a bit of a low key womaniser'
Even though he said 'we definitely will' whatever the fuck that means, I still feel like i'm in a strong position in terms of power. Yes he responded to my 'up for it?' with 'mad busy', there were still signs strong enough to balance that exchange. Then again it has to be about how much he feels the balance or imbalance, because I know for a fact that even if i liked someone when i was with cm, it was mostly for fun and my own satisfaction and need for attention/affection that i maybe wasn't getting from cm. So with him, if he has an on off thing with this girl, a few things:
- He probably isn't emotionally available, since he's already spending that energy on her.
- He's probably going to be flaky at best, and most likely unavailable between his theatre work and complicated love life
- He's probably looking for a thrill that he's not getting in his relationship
- On the good side (good for ruthless heaux like me) an on-off relationship indicates that something is wrong somewhere. Often the fall out is over the same thing, repeatedly. The only way to fix it would be if one or both compromise to make it work. The fact that it's not working means that both parties are unwilling to compromise on this one thing or range of things. This normally means that its approaching its end but both are unwilling to admit it just yet. So its just a matter of when. It's also a sign that he's emotional i think, which is a good thing.
So here are some plans I've concocted for restarting our convo, if he doesn't get there first, or if I don't see him beforehand.
1. Africa writes. I'll send a 'blanket message' around the ending of may alerting all my friends about the festival being 'one month away'. Of course this won't be a typical blanket message since it'll only go to him and maybe a select few just to cover my back. If he's interested in talking or picking up where we left off, he'll use it as an opportunity to say something. May along the lines of 'oh you're part of Africa writes?' etc.
2. Alternatively, I could send out a link to my latest edit (just to him once again)... . And edit that's decent, that exists on Vimeo etc. Then if he responds, I'll ask him if he'd like to be in it..
3. I could also send out an advert for my art work etc.
4. Could send out a 'blanket' text saying i'm selling my sony a7sii, in great condition etc.
It needs to be something that will guarantee a response from him, and i think the best one would be the film thing, since he'll have to go and watch it etc. Only thing with that is that it's the furthest from finished. So a fw more days. Otherwise, the fastest one would be africa writes fest.