Sammy-jo

Sammy-Jos Life
2017-05-15 09:01:16 (UTC)

The New Girlfriend

Two weeks on and I'm feeling the worst I had ever felt in my life. I couldn't function properly and all I thought about was him. I struggled to do daily chores and would cry every time I was alone.
I knew there was someone else. I offered him no strings attached sex, friends with benefits if you like, but he turned it down. It wasn't like him to do that so I knew there was someone else. I begged him to tell me. He told me there definitely wasn't anyone else. But he lied. The next day it all came out. He was seeing someone. My heart dropped and I felt sick. How? After not even two full weeks could he be already seeing someone else. It gets better. She was called Laura and they worked together. Great. So now I have all these scenarios floating around in my head. When he was distant was he fucking her at work? Were they planning to have their own relationship and figure out a way he could end ours? All the days he stayed a bit later, was he with her? He swore it had only been a few days. But I just couldn't believe it. He had spoke about her before. She had a partner before and had converted into a Muslim for him. He seemed to know her life story. But I loved him and trusted him so I didn't question it too much. I wasn't expecting him to never talk to any other females especially at work. But now I wish i did. He told me she had ended her relationship with her bloke around February- March time. Just when things started going downhill for us. I just knew there was more to them than he said. They were arguing and he was trying to work things out with her. I just thought ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! It's been a few days what could they possibly be arguing about? And he was fighting to sort it out with her. Nearly 3 years with me and he couldn't do that for us? I hit rock bottom so hard that I couldn't find a way out. I needed to talk and he was the only person that I felt I could talk to. But he wouldn't answer his phone because he was with her.
I wanted to keep things normal for our children. My son and his daughter were like brother and sister and I didn't want to just break that up. It wasn't their fault all this had happened. Before I knew about this girl, I had been asking him all week if he wanted to do something on Sunday with the kids. Even it was meet down the park so they could play for half an hour. He put it off and put it off. Then I found out he was spending the whole weekend with her and her daughter. I was angry. This wasn't about me anymore, this was about the children and I was so hurt that he had put her before them.
When he first told me about her, I was ok. I was happy that she seemed normal and nice. It could work. His parents had gone away for the weekend and on the Friday she spent the night round his. They slept together. I was devastated. Two weeks after breaking up with me, he was sleeping with someone else. How could he do that. How could he move on so quickly? Why wasn't he feeling the heartbreak that I was?
I was the lowest I'd ever felt. He wouldn't answer the phone and he text me to say I had scared her off. I wanted to speak to him because that was never my intention. I didn't want to cause trouble or be a pain in the arse and I wanted to talk to him. He didn't answer. So I showed up at his house. I didn't realise she was there. He came out the front to talk to me. This was the first time since he left that I had seen him and I just wanted him to hug me. He told me that he would come to the pub where I worked that night to speak to me. I left and cried all the way home. This girl he had been seeing 'a few days' was in his home. The home I had spent Christmas and Halloween parties at. It was too much.
Suicide is never an option for me. I couldn't ever leave my child without a mother, I wasn't selfish enough. But I thought, if I didn't have a child, I would have thrown my car into a ditch at 90mph. But I had too much to leave behind so I just cried and cried and cried.
When he turned up at the pub that night he was cold. He came to ask what I wanted to do and how we could sort this mess out. We talked and then before he left we went outside for 5 minutes. I'd lost over a stone since he left from not eating properly and I asked if I looked slimmer. He told me yes and then started rubbing my belly. I froze. He was touching me and I loved it. Then he felt my boob. Again I froze. I told him if he's seeing someone he can't do that. I asked him questions that I knew would kill me inside. How was she in bed? I don't even know why I asked. Did I want to know? I don't know. He said she was different. Inside I was jumping up and down. He didn't enjoy it like he enjoyed our sex. He had warmed since he arrived and he was looking at me like he wanted to jump on me. I said I'd ring him after work and he left.
When I called I told him about the vibe he was giving. What did he want? He didn't know if he wanted me or her. The hope was there. We talked about him coming round for sex that night but I told him if he was going to go off and play happy families with her the following day then it wasn't going to happen and he needed to choose what he wanted. He came round. I was close to him again. I knew the sex was no strings attached and it was just that. But the stuff he had said to me? I was so confused and hopeful.
The following day he rung me and told me he was going to meet her and call it off. He was going to tell her that he came round and be honest with her about what happened and that he would call me at 5. It was a waiting game. I tired to keep busy but I just wanted to know.
He called and said she had called it off. He hadn't told her we had spent the night together and I was gutted. She deserved to know the truth but I wasn't about to be the psycho ex girlfriend trying to put everyone off him. He wasn't being honest again and that was down to him. He wouldn't come and see me. I was hurt that he could go and meet this girl face to face and end it respectively, but he couldn't do that with me? Another reason I don't believe it's just been a few days between them.
He told me he was going to keep his head down and concentrate on work. I was gutted. Everything he said over the last couple of days to me and I felt like I was back at square 1. After that weekend I know he probably won't be honest if he's seeing someone again. I need it though, I need the honesty. No more lies. I'm not sure how I'm going to get through it all again. Doctors booked for tomorrow for suspected depression. I just want to feel better.




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