xo-wallflower

xo-wallflower
2017-05-11 18:50:24 (UTC)

Another fight

You can tell what this is about just by the title...yup yet another fight with my parents. This one was absolutely stupid and unfair to me. I hope if someone is reading this that they'll take my side on this one..
Every year I've struggle to stay in post secondary school, so when I finally found something I got attach to it and didn't let this one go. I told myself I was going to get into the health care field. My mother was completely against it. Not supportive at all. She would tell me how much I wasn't going to pass, and how I wouldn't be good. She would say that I wouldn't find a job and that no one will hire me. Call me stupid and everything. Once I did start school I struggled a lot. I did end up having to re take some test and she made sure to throw that in my face. Anyways, fast forward to now where I am officially done..neither of my parents showed any interest in going to my college graduation. My dad I wouldn't say was super supportive, but he at least cared when I talked about school and tests. I am only allowed 2 people at graduation. Which I was hoping it would be my sister and dad. My sister has been the biggest help with school and I am super thankful. My sister has an exam the same day as my graduation so she isn't able to go. Also turns out she bought a bunch of tickets to football games which happens to be that same day. So she's able to pay to take her exam on another day. And her and my dad are going to that football game. Which means I am going to graduation by myself. I've literally bought up my graduation everyday to my parents and they wouldn't give me an answer. I even put the information on the fridge which they didn't care about. I ended up taking it off the fridge. So when I came to them after working my last full day they yelled at me..I was trying to tell them how I'm finished and only have a half day the next day. They literally said this to me "shut up and go away we're trying to watch tv" ... wow way to care parents. We're in 2017 were you can literally pause the fucking tv. Nope..so I waited until their stupid show was done and to ask yet again. This time it turned into a huge fight. When I explained to them how my sister and dad isn't going because of a football game my dad said nothing and stood there and my mom stood there for a second. They it hit her...she said to me "I can go to your grad but of course you don't want me there" and I didn't hold it in anymore and I told her "no, I don't want you there" That's where everything changed..she freaked out on me, both of them did. Yelled at me saying how I wasn't wanted in their house etc. I went to my room crying.. It's my choice on who I want to my graduation. Why would I ask someone who never supported me. My mom also said to me "it's not even college" UH yes it is... just because I took it through a school division because it was cheaper doesn't mean it's nothing.. When I told her how I paid tuition and everything that's when my dad told me to shut up and go away. Just typing this makes me want to cry...but I can't.. Why? Because my mother took away my internet again. Got mad at me and now neither of them are talking to me..I also have to move out..and no wifi.. My parents make me feel like shit.. Like nothing I do is good enough. I graduated high school and they got mad that they had to come to my grad and complained afterwards about how long that took. Now that I complete college it's nothing to them. I sat in my room and cried... I couldn't stop crying. I never felt more pathetic, useless, waste of life, unwanted, stupid..the list goes on. Makes me finally realize that I'll never make my parents proud, no matter what I succeed. Does this even seem fair they way I am being treated?? Because I sure don't deserve this. After talking to my sister about it and she was shocked on how they're treating me she is actually taking me (or says she is) to the football game. Therefore no college graduation for me, which I couldn't care about tbh. I now have to go out to places to reach wifi. I have started to apply for better jobs. But it's a little hard without internet.. I have also looked at an apartment as well. One was in the price range I can try to afford. It's nice, but never realized how tiny it is. I don't need a big place since it'll only be me. But I just don't know about this one. Not everything is included, but I don't know if it'll be worth the price. My sister is keeping an eye out for me for apartments which is nice since I won't have internet all the time to look myself. The amount of times she's taken my internet away is ridiculous. At this point I will not pay them rent even if that means wifi again. I almost relapse into self harm again the other day. And I find things are started to get bad again.. hard to get up in the morning and I'm literally sleeping all day again.. I don't want to be like this. I don't want to go back to that again. I really don't. I think I'll self harm in the upcoming days..I am really hoping to hold myself off from it, but we'll see. I am currently at the public library just to get wifi..oh the memories here every time my wifi is taken away. I talked to my man the day that happen and he was great and called me right away to make sure I was okay. I was crying on the phone and he did everything to make me smile which was great. He was going to come pick me up, but I said no. I needed to be with my sister. He wants to hangout sometime this weekend..hm. Anyways, that's how this week is going for me.. fucking sucks. I had really high hopes for May and so far it's letting me down. I really hope things get better. This year has been going so well for me..I didn't expect it to take such a turn.. Sad thing is I can't even enjoy the fact I am done college. I literally don't even care anymore.. all that work and now I don't even feel happy about it..And my fucking actual job hired people in my spot because they assume I'm quitting. So shitty hours for me now...Bullshit.
I really hope May is going well for the rest of you.




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