Damien's Thoughts
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2001-10-10 22:05:43 (UTC)

Wow, where do I begin? Since..

Wow, where do I begin? Since January of this year until
about the end of September I had been dating the most
incredibly guy in the world! His name is TJ and he means
sooo much to me and I love him more than anything else!!!
Those 9 months were the best months of my life. He
actually made me feel good about myself (which is hard to
do), he made me so incredibly happy and I couldn't even
imagine a day without him! It seemed like I had everything
going for me and that I was on top of the world with him.
I was so lucky to have him as mine :). Then, a week after
school started in August, TJ moved away to Ohio (me being
in Indiana). It was hard knowing he was gone and I
wouldn't get to see him much. We went about a month, with
a few phone calls, we mainly just argued cause he would get
upset cause I was crying or wasn't happy...then he finally
decided that it was too hard for him and he broke up with
me. My world just felt like it caved in when he told me
this. Everything that I lived for had just been taken away
from me. I lost the person that I loved so much and care
about so much!! I have no hope for anything anymore...I
just feel like laying in my bed all the time and crying and
thinking about how it would be if he hadn't have moved. I
can't eat (I've lost lots of weight), I cry myself to
sleep. I don't know why I'm being so pathetic about
this..its not like he cares about me anymore, I know hes
having a blast over there, he isn't hurting himself in any
way!! I wish I could find someway to move on like he has,
but I don't feel like I can or even want to go on without
him. He came back to visit this last weekend, he stopped
by my house for a couple of min., but mainly just to get
all of his stuff. He held me and told me he missed me and
loved me and gave me a kiss. It felt soo good to be back
in his arms, even though I knew it would only last a min.
and it was because he felt bad for me that I was upset. I
would do anything to get him back...and I'm not totally for
sure why I'm even acting this way...I guess I'm being
stupid and very pathetic, I dunno. I have so many guys
asking me on dates and pressuring me to get over him...but
I can't seem to let go. I miss him so much and will always
love him! I just wish there was someway I could let him
know how much he means to me and how great he made me feel
when we were together and that I greatly appreciate
everything he did for me...I will never forget him or the
things he did for me!! I love you so much TJ Dillingham!!