inbetween

inbetween
2017-04-30 21:49:04 (UTC)

On parents...

When does a person stop needing a parental figure? When they've "come of age"? Hah..
There are many different kinds of parents in our society. The overbearing kinds, the careless kinds, the liberal kinds, the lovingly supporting yet "limited" kinds, and so on.. It's hard to say what the right kind of parent is, as every child and later person needs and wants different things. The environment demands different things of people.
Where I grew up, I suppose an overbearing parent wasn't necessary. You bring a child into this world, hopefully with the means to raise it with all it needs materially. You send it to kindergarten and then to school. You teach it how to be a person among the culture it's brought up in. You teach it what you can of morality, if in a vague way. You assume school teaches the teenager what it needs to know about the society it lives in. You show them the bare minimum of how they can get jobs at their age. A little bit about how to pay bills. Teach them how to drive a car. But well, that's where it ends for many, I think.
That's where it seems to have ended with my parents.
It's a little sad that I can't really remember a lot of times where my parents have imparted knowledge outside of what anyone needs for the basis of leading a life. I remember being frustrated a lot of times, because I felt like my mother especially expected me to know things I couldn't possible know without them teaching me.
Now I am past twenty, but I still need guidance. I feel vastly under-qualified for this life. When I ask for their opinion, for their help in making decisions, I know they balk because they don't want to tell me what I should do. They can't know what is the absolute best, the most right for me. But I am not ASKING for that! I only ask for their opinion. Fine, so they don't know me enough to know what is best for me... but after all they have past fifty years of experience, they must have learned SOMETHING that they can use to advice me... fucking hell. I feel like my own parents don't know me at all. It suddenly makes sense why I am bad at connecting to people and knowing people....
Maybe I'm just stupid and spoiled. Maybe it should be enough for them to bring me to life and teach me the basics of leading a life. I mean, there's plenty of knowledge elsewhere in this world. I guess I can just fight tooth and nail for experience and knowledge until I reach their age and can say that "welp, now I understand them, now i AM them," without having furthered our existence in any way. I'm so pissed off. I don't know, at them for not knowing me and not teaching me more to better my chances, or at me for not managing on my own still. God I look forward to day where I can support myself without a parent in every way, and only need them for affection and friendship. I'll pop out a few kids while we're at, guess that will make them real happy. So they can be grandparents. They don't have ANY obligation to teach the kid anything, all they can do is bask in the kids love and genius.




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