All that is
A Great Deal (v)
“He’s here,” she says, buoyantly walking to the threshold. This is everything he’s ever wanted – the worship, the warmth. When he enters the room they see him for the first time and they’re taken. She trails behind him, relishing their reactions, enjoying how their eyes roam his face and body just a touch longer than is appropriate. Suppressing a smile at the stares, she looks at his face to catch him doing the same. His presence commands attention yet his disposition is warm and unassuming. Then amidst the electric buzz of unuttered gossip inside this room full of people, their own eyes meet and they succumb to the smiles they were suppressing.
But now, this feeling at the bottom of her chest wouldn't leave, what she imagines a mild panic attack feels like. At least its source is known: that the magnificence of this vision is simply too all consuming that she fears it may be impossible to go back without causing a great deal of harm.
What about the time she meets Aiysha - his Aiysha - and they bond beautifully over how much joy they each derive from needling him. “You’re worse than I am,” she tells Aiysha, who gleefully accepts.