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I haven’t been on a good rant lately and I think I’m about due one. Dating coaches, life coaches, diet coaches, etc. I’ve been seeing them everywhere. There’s now a coach for everything. I remember when coaches were just for sporting teams. Yet now I’ve also come to realize that each one of these coaches along with society have seemingly been working for the same thing and I honestly am concerned about it. Why? Well let’s see, if you look at them all they are trying to build everyone into these happy, positive sheep. People can’t seem to be happy any more unless everyone around them have a safe space or is absolutely peachy and keen. I mean it seems like these days that you can’t even FEEL unless it’s perfectly positive with this gigantic smile on your face. Everything is about everyone FEELING positive and being so and if you’re not then they have pills for that to make you happy and like one of them. I mean seriously between the political rhetoric that so many have about liberal, democrat, republican, and or conservative and that rot and everyone having to be these perky, perfect Stepford wives wannabes it’s hard to be human any more.
I’ve spent much of my life being neutral to things. Neutral in my life, neutral in how I view people, and so on. Honestly I’ve always believed in balance in the world. I have to say though that balance seems to be evaporating at an alarming rate. Everyone has to be this way or they have to be that way. People have to choose a side and stay on it. Not allowed to feel anything unless it’s perky and positive or there’s some mental issue with you. Not to mention the multitudes of medication that people are given for every, single, little thing in the world. I can understand cholesterol medicine and heart medicine, but seriously? You’re depressed? Here’s a pill that will fix you right back up and make you like everyone else. You’re having a bad time? Here take this little pill and you’ll feel right as rain. And then everyone has the audacity to wonder why there’s such a drug problem in this country when it comes to abuse of prescription medication. Well it started with Mommy’s little helper. That’s right. Valium. People aren’t allowed to just feel anything anymore. It started in the 90’s and to be honest it hasn’t gotten any better. Now the pharmacy companies control everything including their own input into politicians and their pockets.
I have never liked myself as a person in my whole life. Has that stopped me from trying to be a good person or doing what’s right? No. I’ve still done everything that I can to be a good person. I didn’t have to be perky or positive about it, I just did it. Why? It’s a simple reason because it was right or didn’t do it because I felt it was wrong. There’s not a damn thing wrong with that. That’s a moral issue not some trumped (hardee har har for those to make jokes) thing that I need to take a pill for. Simply not liking myself as a person has not a damn thing to do with how I feel about right or wrong. Not always being positive because sometimes positive isn’t the answer where logic is doesn’t mean I like myself any more or less. I’m not saying all these coaches are wrong, if they feel good about it, great. But don’t look at me any less because I don’t believe in it. Don’t think there’s something wrong with me because I may not agree with it or that I feel the scales are tipping more and more because everyone wants to be exactly the same. People make their own choices, but since everything with the Lion I have been balled out by so many people about I’m not allowed to blame myself. I’m horrible because I do. That they got tired of me tearing myself apart blaming myself. You know what? That’s my damn prerogative to do or not. Trying to tell me that I’m wrong and that I need to do X, Y, and Z to be better for them is downright insulting. I’m allowed to feel any old way that I want and I don’t give a damn if someone agrees with it or not. To be honest, a real friend wouldn’t have cared about that. A real friend would listen and understand which I find ironic that I was told the very same thing about the Lion and his knee jerk reaction when things had happened. As it was said to me and I quote “if it happened on a Tuesday, then we should have talked about it by Friday. Instead of jumping the gun like he did and throwing it all away. It was one incident that happened in a stressful time. If he loved me in any way he would have understood, forgive, then talked to me about it.” I’m never going to say that slapping him was ever right. It wasn’t. His reaction wasn’t right either. Getting upset because he learned that I had been talking to someone, well hell he broke up with me and was talking to someone himself and getting naked pictures of her as well. Heaven forbid that all I did was cry and talk to someone that happened to be male. Assuming quite a bit to be honest. All the same, I was grieving and a real friend would have simply listened, been there for me, and yes DEALT WITH IT. Instead I was told to look on the bright side. I was to get happy. I was told that I wasn’t allowed to feel ANYTHING remotely sad or feel ashamed, sad, upset, or anything that didn’t fit into their little box. Guess what? I’m allowed to feel any old way I like. If I wanted to put it all over my damn Facebook, that’s my right too. They didn’t want to read it anymore? Then simply don’t. Hell, it wasn’t like they were listening any other time anyway. Not unless it was gossip or something they could bash me all to hell with because it didn’t’ fit in their little box. Or all those ones that wanted to run back and forth about what I was doing or what he was doing because they felt it was their DUTY to do so. Then have the sheer audacity to cry “don’t make us pick sides”! No one was, you chose to do that all on your own. I could call them out, but I choose not to since they know who they are. The very same ones that like reading everything that I post so they can gossip about it later.
I’m not a positive person and I’ve never really had a reason to be. I don’t like myself but that doesn’t stop me from doing things that I believe are right or wrong. Would I still help a friend in trouble? Of course, why? Because we’re all human and it’s the right thing to do. I don’t need some life coach to tell me that. I have my own morals. I’m not a religious person. I admit I’m very spiritual in my own way. Many of you that know me, know this. These things that I feel about myself, do they stop me from donating things to those in need? No, because I’m human. It’s the right thing to do. Does not giving a damn about myself stop me from supporting the troops in my own little ways? No, it doesn’t. And does not caring if I was killed by a Greyhound bus tomorrow change in any way the little things that I do because I FEEL they are the right thing to do? Not in the least bit. So, let’s be honest here for a moment. While we’re hollering, and fussing endlessly about color, sex, religion, and every other bullshit thing out there, what does it really boil down to? It boils down to our morals and what we feel is right or wrong. I don’t’ have to like myself to know the difference. I’ve been doing it for years. Just like it doesn’t give anyone else the right to tell me that I have to like myself or be this perky, positive person to fit in with the world. With the exception of my failures in the realm of relationships (and please don’t go on about it’s the type of men I choose yadda yadda yadda) I’ve pretty damn good about being a decent PERSON for 41 years. And if everyone would remember that simple word PERSON we might be getting somewhere. If it gets you up in the morning, go you. If what I do isn’t your cup of tea, GO ME. Personal choice. Personal morals. Somewhere along the way this crazy mixed up world has forgotten that little fact and I for one have had it up to my eyeballs. Something to think about. Quit trying to fix everyone else to fit in your box. Worry about yourself. That’s basically it. If I want to be neutral in the world, guess what? I’m going to keep doing it. Because that’s me. Just some food for thought.