Karla

Karla
2017-03-15 13:47:59 (UTC)

today

Today I do like most others as little as possible. I don't like to think depression but I have no desire to leave the house. I think I am in a safe place and no one can bother me. I honestly think I could die and the only person that would even check is Norm. I have so failed the life I was given I never realized I had choices until too late. I know starting over is not an option but starting new could be. I still seem to make bad choices but I guess (no mater how I try) I'm stuck in my world of dysfunction. I think as I go back in my life I never did make friends easy and when I did make a friend it didn't last long. I think I so wanted approval when I didn't get it I moved on. A ll I wanted was to be good at something, anything that would get some recognition for something. I wasn't taught love and caring and closeness that other families I knew had. It is so sad because my children grew up the same way. I am so sorry for them that they too didn't get that closeness for family growing up.Tracie and Jeff have done pretty well but Shelly still is a mess in some ways. I can't change the past and living in it is not a good idea either. Sometimes I wish when I went to the hospital I didn't I could have gone ahead and died that night then this would all be over. I don't want to go to the doctor now and my breathing is shallow and my voice has been horse for 3 weeks now Norm has tried to make me go but the stubborn me won't do it. I honestly think I won't go because I have to get dressed and not drink. That is what's called facing the truth!! Why I wonder can't when I know i'm wrong in doing it. I wish I could find the strength to help myself.




Ad: