Serenigma

Musings of an Enigma
2017-03-07 23:06:31 (UTC)

Empty Ambition =/=

Someone recently reached out to me with words I needed to hear. I feel like I've been trying to tell myself the things they said for a long time and having them so honestly reiterated by someone who has experienced similar struggles really gives them new meaning. They helped in bringing some clarity to mind, if only for the time being, which has given me the courage to "try again" if you will. Job applications and a consultation with a cognitive therapist. It's high time I get off my soap box and rejoin the living, regardless of it being easier said than done. No matter the case, I need to make a conscious decision to start moving forward again. Returning to academia was a good first step, but I can't just sit on my "accomplishments"--especially considering their tedium--waiting for a fucking participation medal. I need to stop looking to others to validate my existence and start looking to myself to actually give it meaning.
I refuse to die the spineless coward with empty ambition that I have been. After all, our dreams and aspirations don't belong to us--we belong to them. And I have been a shitty servant.




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