sft

A Subs Space... OVER 18!
2017-03-06 19:27:30 (UTC)

Master's Entry

I do understand how awful it must be not to know what's happening, and to have such sparse communication from me. I'm not sure if ***** can still read my email, and it would look very bad if I changed my password, or did anything to stop her accessing it now. For similar reasons, I've not made any changes to my fetlife page. I could close/hide it, or leave it as it is, but any other changes would suggest to ***** that I have intentions in some partciular direction. If I took gemma off, for example, but not you, what might she conclude? So for now, at least, I do nothing with it. For the same reason, if she looks at your page, she will deduce things from any changes you make, so keep that in mind, please.

I have not been in touch with gemma at all, but I got a rather bitter goodbye from her, saying she hadn't realised I was in regular contact with you, and that it was just her that was being excluded. I suppose she had a point - I wanted to keep my online commmunication to a minimum, and you got whatever I dared send. I wish her well, but I have no guilt feelings to spare... :/

***** and I have talked briefly about splitting up, just in theory. Neither of us want that outcome, and neither of us think it would be a good thing to stay together just for the sake of the girls. That's as far as we have discussed (it was literally a 2 minute talk about it), but we have agreed to think about it and continue the discussion when we have had time to process our own thoughts.

I think both of us are worried that we might have harmed our relationship beyong repair. she feels that I don't find her sexually attractive, and she doesn't want me touching her. I am sure she doubts she could ever trust me again, and she has a point - I would find it very hard to do without D/s, now that it has been such a significant part of my life.

If I could wave a magic wand, I'd have it so that she and I stay together as before, and she lets me have a D/s relationship with you, with her entirely uninvolved. (Or if she wanted to be, involved, of course!) But I can't see that happening, nor would I even know how to suggest it. That's one reason I have been just letting time pass - I am hoping I will be able to see a way forward that won't involve both ***** and me being miserable with or without each other for ever after.

So I don't want to get your hopes up, or my own - nor do I want to make promises to ***** that I can't keep, nor do I want to give up on my marriage. In my own head, I am preparing for the worst, and I don't even know what that is.

*kiss*

M...




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