✯Sincerely, Me✯

☯LivingWithMyself☯
2017-03-03 01:59:51 (UTC)

House Of Hatred

Dear Reader,

She was talking about how she used to wear men's jeans.

And I just made the comment that men's clothes were better because they lasted longer, and they were more comfortable.
I even said that I hate women's tops, like I have said a million times, because I hate the way they look, and the material they're made of.

And so she decides to tell me "Well, I'm going to have to get used to it."

I told her, no, I don't have to wear anything that I don't want to wear.

And so she brings up how no one will hire me.

She said that "It's not going to hurt you."

She said that I'm either going to have to admit that I'm gay, or claim to be a boy, and then when on to say that I wouldn't know if I am a boy, because I've never had sex... which makes ZERO fucking sense. Classic old people ignorance on LGBTQ people.

She started saying if I dress this way because I'm fat.. and I cut her off, and yelled: "HAS IT EVER OCCURRED TO YOU THAT I LIKE THE WAY I DRESS."

I couldn't really talk. My throat was too tight.. and I was on the verge of tears..

She kept trying to scare me with the job bullshit.

She kept saying that I was a girl, and I had to start acting like one.

I told her that this is who I am, and she kept shaking her head saying "No it's not." Over and over.

As if she would fucking know who I am.

I just want to explode, run away.. somewhere far far far away... I wish I could talk to Rhonda, or Heather, or my uncle Danny...
After everything with Rhonda though.. she may not side with me even now.. she might still side with her...
I wish I could just live with Danny.. but he doesn't have room for me... and he probably wouldn't want me around.

I.. hate to sound so fucking cliche....

But I really just want to die right now...

I keep replaying over an over in my head how I should just kill myself somehow tonight..
It's all I can think of.. leave a note that says to just cremate me so they can't bury me in a dress...

She's supposed to be there for me.. she's supposed to love me, and accept me for all that I am... unconditionally.
Not try and change who i am..

She's embarrassed by me.. She hates everything about me. Always has.

I just wish my dad was here... I wish my mom wasn't a drug addict..

I wish I just had real parents who would never make me feel ashamed to be myself...

No one can hate me as much as I hate myself..

I know how hard it's going to be in this world.. I know not everyone is going to accept me..

But home should be where the hatred of the world ends. Family is where acceptance should be..

I just want to die... I want to be someone else.. leave this body.. leave this world.. be reborn..

I know this entry doesn't make sense... I'll try to write about it better when I'm less hysterical tomorrow..

Sincerely,
Can'tBeMe




Ad: