Ranmat

The Last Hours
2017-03-02 01:39:45 (UTC)

March 1st - Epic Fail

Not even into the freaking day. Was it because I told so many my plan? My spiritual goal that I became more of a target? How did I allow myself to become a mockery? Will this be harder than I think its supposed to be?
I drank too much yesterday. I started early. Last day to drink before March 1st. Tequila and Pomegrate Margaritas. Then browsing images on my phone of bondage pinterest pics. THAT set the mood. I have to be careful what I put my eyes on. Out of nowhere. I haven't been horny in a long time. Ive been at peace. Although I do miss sex ALOT. But it hasn't entered my mind all day like usual. But I don't think I would have it. But I play dangerously close to it. I started thinking of easy access clothes to wear to the movies with Heem. Someone who I'm not attracted to now. But someone who I have been immoral with and have played partner switch with. Was that smart? He has always been a cool friend but he isn't a JW nor trying to be one and know that I am. We were good last night. I hadn't seen him in years. But is he really the type of association I should be spending time with? Just the other day, I decided I wasn't going to go with steve to Yoli's house because they always have weed there and I didn't want to put myself in an atmostphere where I would be tempted. I'm strong one day and then I'm so weak the next. But with alcohol, I'm loose and wreckless and not in control which is the recipe of disaster as bad judgement comes running behind after it - guaranteed. One sin turns into another. And then before you know it..... its either too hard to turn back or its too late.

I'm embarrassed to say had me thinking of what easy access outfit I could wear although Heem grosses me out. Although his dreads smell of oil, he still doesn't smell fresh out of the shower. He is grimey.... not NY style but on the move LA style......while I'm fresh out the shower and don't want to get dirty. He asked me to scratch his back at one point during the night and I wanted hand sanitizer and didn't have any in my purse...... Not that I would even go that farther but I DRESSED for the OCASSION!!! Heem and I have done threesomes together. 10 years ago but we are both natural born freaks. Does that ever really go away?
How do you control your thoughts? Revert them? Yet, I'm the one who reached out to HIM!
So got in the house..... after dinner and movie and catch up and a hug. No kiss or touchy touchy but dirty jokes here and there. This morning, though... with no hands happen to fantasize about Jamal doing whatever he wanted to do to me while I was in a bondage swing that spinned around and was able to go up and down while I was 1/2 blindfolded watching in a mirror......... I didn't even touch myself and was able to cum as I thought about the pictures that were saved for a later arousal time. (Jamal is still blocked by the way as one can see how much power he has in my thoughts and that is another recipe for disaster). Most of my dangers right now are in my head. My thoughts and my imagination. But here is where I need to manage them. Here is where I need to change my thinking. So I'm hoping I can nip for the next time with the following thoughts of Jehovah. I really don't want to disappoint my God after all he has done for me. I don't want to let down my friend.
Proverbs 2:6. “Jehovah himself gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and discernment.”

Association:
1 Corinthians 5:9 In my letter I wrote you to stop keeping company with sexually immoral people,
Ephesians 5:3 let sexual immorality and every sort of uncleanness or greediness not even be mentioned among you, just as is proper for holy people;

Romans 6:16 Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey, either of sin leading to death or of obedience leading to righteousness?

Alcohol:
A person has had too much alcohol when his drinking puts him or others at risk of harm. According to the Bible, drunkenness is identified, not by a person’s passing out, but by such behavior as being disoriented, walking unsteadily, becoming contentious, or having slurred speech

Psalm 107:27 They reel and stagger like a drunken man, And all their skill proves useless.
Hosea 4:11 Prostitution and wine and new wine, Take away the motivation to do what is right.
Proverbs 23:20 Do not be among those who drink too much wine, Among those who gorge themselves on meat
Ephesians 5:18 Also, do not get drunk with wine, in which there is debauchery (excessive indulgence in sensual pleasures), but keep getting filled with spirit.
Titus 2:2, 3 Let the older men be moderate in habits, serious, sound in mind, healthy in faith, in love, in endurance. 3 Likewise, let the older women be reverent in behavior, not slanderous, not enslaved to a lot of wine, teachers of what is good
Proverbs 23:29-32 Who has woe? Who has uneasiness? Who has quarrels? Who has complaints? Who has wounds for no reason? Who has bleary eyes? 30 Those lingering long over wine; Those searching out mixed wine.31 Do not look at the wine’s red color As it sparkles in the cup and goes down smoothly, 32 For in the end it bites like a serpent, And it secretes poison like a viper. Your eyes will see strange things, And your heart will speak perverse things
Luke 21:34, 35 “But pay attention to yourselves that your hearts never become weighed down with overeating and heavy drinking and anxieties of life, and suddenly that day be instantly upon you as a snare. For it will come upon all those dwelling on the face of the whole earth.
Proverbs 22:3 The shrewd one sees the danger and conceals himself, But the inexperienced keep right on going and suffer the consequences

Sexual Immorality:
A general term for all unlawful sexual intercourse. It includes adultery, prostitution, sexual relations between unmarried individuals, homosexuality, and bestiality A spiritually unhealthy habit, masturbation instills attitudes that foster self-centeredness and corrupt the mind. * A masturbator may also grow to view others as mere sex objects—tools for sexual satisfaction. Sex becomes separated from love and is relegated to a reflex that gives momentary pleasure and relieves sexual tension. But that relief is only temporary. In reality, instead of deadening the body’s members “as respects sexual immorality, uncleanness, [and] uncontrolled sexual passion,” masturbation arouses them.—Colossians 3:5.

Thessalonians 4:4, 5.“Each one of you should know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not with greedy, uncontrolled sexual passion
1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality! Every other sin that a man may commit is outside his body, but whoever practices sexual immorality is sinning against his own body.
Colossians 3:5 Deaden, therefore, your body members that are on the earth as respects sexual immorality, uncleanness, uncontrolled sexual passion, hurtful desire, and greediness, which is idolatry.
Acts 15:29 to keep abstaining from things sacrificed to idols, from blood, from what is strangled, and from sexual immorality. If you carefully keep yourselves from these things, you will prosper. Good health to you!”
Revelation 21:8 But as for the cowards and those without faith and those who are disgusting in their filth and murderers and the sexually immoral and those practicing spiritism and idolaters and all the liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur. This means the second death.”
Galatians 6:7, 8 Do not be misled: God is not one to be mocked. For whatever a person is sowing, this he will also reap; 8 because the one sowing with a view to his flesh will reap corruption from his flesh, but the one sowing with a view to the spirit will reap everlasting life from the spirit.
Matthew 5:29, 30 If, now, your right eye is making you stumble, tear it out and throw it away from you. For it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to be pitched into Ge·henʹna. 30 Also, if your right hand is making you stumble, cut it off and throw it away from you. For it is better for you to lose one of your members than for your whole body to land in Ge·henʹna.
James 1:14, 15 But each one is tried by being drawn out and enticed by his own desire. 15 Then the desire, when it has become fertile, gives birth to sin; in turn sin, when it has been carried out, brings forth death.

Romans 1:24-27 Therefore, God, in keeping with the desires of their hearts, gave them up to uncleanness, so that their bodies might be dishonored among them. 25 They exchanged the truth of God for the lie and venerated and rendered sacred service to the creation rather than the Creator, who is praised forever. Amen. 26 That is why God gave them over to uncontrolled sexual passion, for their females changed the natural use of themselves into one contrary to nature; 27 likewise also the males left the natural use of the female and became violently inflamed in their lust toward one another, males with males, working what is obscene and receiving in themselves the full penalty, which was due for their error.

Galatians 5:19-21 Now the works of the flesh are plainly seen, and they are sexual immorality, uncleanness, brazen conduct, 20 idolatry, spiritism, hostility, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, dissensions, divisions, sects, 21 envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and things like these. I am forewarning you about these things, the same way I already warned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit God’s Kingdom.

Romans 12:1 Therefore, I appeal to you by the compassions of God, brothers, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, a sacred service with your power of reason.

Corinthians 9:27. “I pummel my body and lead it as a slave, so that after I have preached to others, I myself should not become disapproved somehow.

Romans 7:21-25 I find, then, this law in my case: When I wish to do what is right, what is bad is present with me. 22 I really delight in the law of God according to the man I am within, 23 but I see in my body another law warring against the law of my mind and leading me captive to sin’s law that is in my body. 24 Miserable man that I am! Who will rescue me from the body undergoing this death? 25 Thanks to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So, then, with my mind I myself am a slave to God’s law, but with my flesh to sin’s law.

James 1:5 So if any one of you is lacking in wisdom, let him keep asking God, for he gives generously to all and without reproaching, and it will be given him.
Proverbs 28:13 The one covering over his transgressions will not succeed, But whoever confesses and abandons them will be shown mercy.

Proverbs 19:8 Whoever acquires good sense loves himself. Whoever treasures discernment will find success.
Psalm 86:5 For you, O Jehovah, are good and ready to forgive; You abound in loyal love for all those who call on you.




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