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2017-03-01 09:45:07 (UTC)

I keep getting this horrible feeling. ..

I keep getting this horrible feeling. It's so fucking horrible this paranoia. These stories I make up in my head that drive me crazy.
I'm so proud of Brad for going to university.

In my head it's just replaying again and again. He'll find someone new. She'll be smart studying something really interesting at uni. She'll have a nice job and she'll be beautiful. She'll be fit and they'll share all the same interests. She'll be motivated and embrace life.
And he'll realise he doesn't have to settle for me. He'll realise he doesn't love the girl who can't get her life together anymore. The girl that works at McDonald's forever. The girl that constantly complains about everything but never does anything about it.

I can't shake that image. It's horrible.
And I feel like if I don't change it's inevitable.

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