šŸƒAmanda22Janeā¤

Ghost Writer
2017-02-28 21:43:40 (UTC)

It's Wednesday...

...and I've not picked up the phone to start working on finding a new place to live. I am constantly living with homeless images going through my mind to the point where I just want to give up completely. This is so hard. I read in the paper yesterday about a woman and six children being homeless in Auckland city. The housing situation for the very poor is grave in some parts of New Zealand and rents can be unaffordable. Also an Auckland marae put up part of a plane load (50 or so) of American visitors. Very hospitable. United Airlines again. There was something wrong with the plane itself and it needed attention. Hotels around the city are booked out with lots of homeless people (majority are families) so our American travellers had nowhere else to stay but the marae. A very nice cultural experience for them anyway. (NZ Herald Tuesday 28/2/17 morning edition.) So...my anxiety & angst is not for nothing. I don't think my landlord wants me here any longer. He doesn't state that directly and has been doing it for a while.
This is another very hard time for me plus I still worry and fear for my grandchildren.
One thing I refuse to give up on is prayer. I'm praying alright. A lot. Every day.


14:40pm.

I'm going into town tomorrow and I'm going to move. I need to start looking for another place to live otherwise I'm going to be out on the streets fending for myself Ģod knows how. This is a serious crisis.
TMF I am not seeing anything of these days which is pure Heaven to me. BUT! He keeps texting & calling me. I've taken one phonecall and as usual all he talks about is himself. Sorry psychopath that he is. Fuck I hate life sometimes.
I'm through with saying to myself how much I hate my life. Life is what it is. It's nothing to be hated. It's this world. It's so very hard to be here sometimes.
My mental health has turned miraculous corner in the last few weeks and I have never felt so well in years. My physical health? I can't say the same about that..my heart is playing up. I can hardly walk most days. Deep breathing and careful steps, when out walking, gets me through this. Fuck this life is a hard grind at the best of times. I'm scared. I'm terrified of the future but come tomorrow, I am going to face my fears and negotiate....back later. Drinking.




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