xo-wallflower

xo-wallflower
2017-02-03 14:41:56 (UTC)

January 2017

Hello everyone! Welcome into 2017! I always tell myself that I'm going to write a lot more on here and I tend to not stick with that. One thing I just told myself is that I'll start at least a monthly entry. Just stating how the month went for me. I also wanted to say I am really loving the new layout for this site! It looks amazing! I started off the month good! I worked on new years eve and then that evening I spent it at a friends house. We drank, just sat around and talked, played music, watched tv. It was very nice actually. One of the guys actually made an ice cream bar for everyone. It was a nice relaxing night into the new year. Instead of last years new years where I got absolutely way too drunk and had to go home by 1am. January overall has been a pretty good month. I started school on the 9th! I was definitely not used to getting up in the morning for school. School is a struggle for me. With not being in school for awhile now it was hard to get back into it. Just making the time to study and get all the worksheets done. With also working and getting adult stuff done, and having a social life. Currently we are learning medical terminology, which we are almost done! Last test for it is this upcoming Wednesday (Feb. 8th) There are 4 medical terminology test you must pass with 75% before you are able to continue on with the program. The first one I passed with 75%! The second one I failed with 72% so I had to retake it. When you retake a test you only receive 75% the second time around. Which sucks, but oh well. The third test I also failed with 65%. The third one was the hardest and our entire class average went down. I wasn't the only one who ended up failing the third one. I retake that one on Monday and take my fourth test on Wednesday. Also have school tomorrow which sucks cause it's on a Saturday. But we're doing CPR. So I have to be up early and I have a very long day ahead of me tomorrow. School is quite interesting, but it most definitely isn't easy. Failing the second test discourage me to continue on with the program. But I sit here and tell myself that I am better than that. I can push through. No more dropping/withdrawing from school because it starts to get hard. One thing in class I pushed myself to do was speak in front of the class. Instead of typing it out again I'm going to copy and past what I posted on Facebook about it. This is what I posted;
As some people know I am back in school taking health unit clerk. One thing my teacher mention to the class is speaking in front of people. Talking about how important it is be able to take charge as well as have good communication with everyone in a hospital/clinc setting. She then told us she's going to get us all to speak in front of one another. I wasn't prepared for this. During high school I used to ask to do presentations during lunch or after school. And if they said no, I sometimes would take a zero on the assignment. If I was with a group I would either say one or two sentences or I asked not to say anything. I've struggled a lot with social anxiety. I lost out on many opportunities because of it. I will step out of a situation because of anxiety. I could literally list off a big list of things I won't do because of social anxiety. Dealing with it has been hard. Not everyone understands what is it like. It's completely normal to be shy or nervous to speak in front of a large group. But people tend to misunderstand the anxiety part of it. How much it really does affect someone's life. I wasn't able to get out of this situation in class today. And of course I was the first person to talk in front of the class. (We did get timed) My heart was beating so fast. I literally wanted to cry. I was shaking so badly everyone could see. You could also hear it in my voice. I also had trouble making eye contact. But once I was done I felt a sense of relief. The amount of support I received was amazing. My classmates telling me to take deep breathes and that I'll be okay. The teacher and students telling me I did well after I finished. Though I was still shaking afterwards I've never been so proud of myself to just get up in front of everyone and speak. One step at a time. But I can't wait the day I can say I beat social anxiety ass! :)
I am so proud of myself. Others might think it's not a big deal, but it is for me. One month of school done and only 2 more month of school left and then one month of a practicum. I've made a lot of good memories so far in January. Also one of my best friends is pregnant! I have also been seeing someone! Though I told myself no boys while being in school I am not going to let the opportunity pass. There's a couple people I am interested in. But I am in no rush for anything. I have been on a date with one of them. They already told me where I stand and that the ball was in my court. I did let this person know about how important school is for me right now. So we'll see how that goes. But it definitely isn't my main focus. Even with all these ups that has happened there have been a couple downs. One being disappointed in myself for failing my test. But I do have an amazing support system. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them. Another down that has happened this month was bullshit with my mother. She actually packed her things up and left my family. She also took our dog with her. My mom is getting surgery on both elbows. She is not allowed to work or even drive. My dad has to help her get dress and shower etc. I guess she packed her stuff when no one was looking and took the dog and left in her car. It wasn't easy to deal with because she has never done this before. She has left for a few hours, but never have packed bags to leave. What pisses me off the most about it was that I got the entire blame on me for her doing that. Her and I have been getting along. That day she was listening over my conversation with my brother over the phone. My brother and her do not talk. And he won't allow her to see her grandkids either. So she heard him saying things over the phone which apparently caused her to pack her shit and leave. Wasn't a need to fucking blame me for it though.. Work hasn't been too bad either. I am am leaving for work after I finish typing this out. They have been super understanding about school. Even though I am making less than half I was a month. Which the pay really really sucks. But it helps so much for school. Oh man, that just reminded me about a creepy ass customer who is 52 and is hitting on me. He literally comes in every time I work. And one day he handed me a piece of paper...it has his name and phone number on it. It also says "don't be shy and call me :)" I literally wanted to puke and cry.. so gross.. dude no. He also said he'll teach me how to dance. A few of my co workers know about it. But some of the managers said to take it higher up. And try to get him kicked out of the store completely.
Dispite those couple of downs, I had more ups! January was a pretty decent month for me. I am looking forward to what February has to bring! I hope you all had a good January! And an even better February! :)




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